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People doubting my sexuality - is this what it's gonna be like?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Schmosefine, Oct 17, 2016.

  1. Schmosefine

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    I just visited my close (straight) friend, who I have been out to for some time, for a few days. When I told her that my grandmother had said some homofobic shit that really hurt me, she went really silent and I could tell something was up. She then proceeded to ask me really personal questions about my sexlife (which I don't like to discuss in general - I'm a pretty private person) and then told me that I didn't really know whether I liked girls until I had gone down on one.

    It's as if, when you're not straight, people generally feel they have the right ask you really personal stuff and then judge your sexuality based on your answers. It's so hurtful. I know what I feel. I know what I'm attracted to. She doesn't know me better than I know myself. I told her firmly that I know how I feel and who I have been in love with. She still didn't seem to believe me.
    I have showed her a great deal of trust by coming out to her as pansexual, and she is betraying that trust by doubting my sincerity. No-one would ever tell a straight girl that she didn't really know if she was straight until she had blown a guy.

    I feel like it comes from a place of her being uncomfortable with my sexuality. That she would feel more comfortable if I was straight or gay. It's not the first time this has happened to me. It's such a huge letdown every time and it makes me feel so scared about the whole coming out thing. Am I gonna have to give crash courses on sexuality to every person I come out to? Is anyone going to believe me at all? Any advice on how to deal with this?
     
    #1 Schmosefine, Oct 17, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2016
  2. Smores

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    Frankly, this is just how some people think and unless they open their minds there is little you could do. I cam out to my aunt about me being bi but she still goes on and on about the husband I will one day have. You won't have this problem with everyone you come out to, a lot of people are more open minded and will accept you for who you say you are.
     
  3. Creativemind

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    Happens all the time to anyone who is not straight or cis. You could be gay, bi/pan, trans, asexual, etc, and you'll always be asked inappropriate questions.

    I've actually told straight girls these days that I didn't think they could identify as straight unless they sleep with both sexes to make sure. It's usually sarcasm, but most take the hint right away.
     
  4. Geek

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    Not all but it does happen. I point to the buzzfeed video about being bisexual. It's like "what do you like better vag or dick" "well idk who do you like better craig or mike". Like neither are appropriate questons to ask someone.
     
  5. Hushhh

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    hy :slight_smile:

    I have a lot of straight friends (they don't know I'm bi) but we used to ask each other dirty questions, the same goes with my college classmates. So it means all genders could ask uncomfortable questions, that might offend us, and take us out of our comfort zones, you know touch a nerve or whatever.

    Straight or not, I don't think people will know it's inappropriate unless we tell them to stop asking about our sex life, or any particular topic we're not comfortable of divulging. It depends really on how open your communication is, if you don't want to talk about something, then SAY IT STRAIGHT. :slight_smile: (straight?!! haha!)

    We can't always expect people to be polite, a lot are curious as to why we choose the way we are, it's not actually a norm is it? So a lot of them might be intrigued.
    What I'm trying to say is, a lot of people lack common sense and tact, so unless we talk to them directly, then it's not going to get better. Especially with close friends, they expect to know the juicy details about us. And by talking about it, it means that they'd like to understand it more(but some are just really nosy so be careful to whom you share infos about you).
    Oftentimes friends give unsolicited advice, yeah, so it's up to us to remind them that we need them to just listen and be there, and not give a pep talk or something else.

    When I came out to my bestmate, she also asked me if I was sure, how I was sure of it bla bla, same with a male friend, they will ask questions if we go out to them, especially those close to us, so we have to respectfully decline answering their spanish inquisition. :wink:

    Anyways... Good luck to you!
     
    #5 Hushhh, Oct 21, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2016