So around 3 years ago I decided that I loved women and was always nicer to them. It was easier to care about them, and I liked that. Having heard that sexuality exists on a scale, I thought that if I could get in touch with a bisexuals side of me, I might be able to be nicer and care about talking to guys as well. So I began pretty obsessively trying to find some latent same sex attraction. I should note. I have very firmly establish sexual identity wit with regards to females. A few kinks, and cum almost instantly when I have sex with a girl. I don't naturally think about guys, and to be honest it kind of grosses me out. I make sour faces and don't enjoy it. But I can get off to it if I try. Anyway, yesterday I was looking at porn and someone said the name of a male actor. The thought was slightly arousing so I followed it and finished. Thinking about his body is kind of disgusting and kind of physically repulsive, but I can relax into it and ignore the repulsion sometimes. Anyway, I know don't know that I'm 100% straight. I don't want to put a number on it, but something did it for me once (yesterday). However it was definitely not his body that did it for me. So basically, I'm now very anxious, and want to chase the shit out of this understanding and go back to what I used to do... the only issue is that all this questioning and trying to answer and pay attention makes me super anxious and not enjoy it. Sooo... how do I get answers about this, without forcing myself to engage in behavior that I don't like... just let it happen? I should mention. I have severe anxiety about other things. Mostly focused around trusting my brain, fear of schizophrenia, etc. It's possible this is just delusional nonsense and I'm 99% straight. Oh I don't know, but it's all very confusing and I dont like not having answers. It isn't even so much about boxes other people use, I just want one that I'm comfortable with.
