I mentioned this a few weeks back here on EC but let me restate this in case you all forgot. I'm a member of Chi Alpha, a university ministry affiliated with the Assemblies of God. A typical Chi Alpha church service takes place on a Thursday night at my campus: one at 630 and 830. Worship/praise songs start the services up and comprise of 25-35% of the service, plus "offering". About 35 minutes, the campus pastor speaks for 30 minutes, then at the end we have a hymn or two to conclude service. The topics covered recently covered are the fear of god, incarnation of Jesus. We had a guest speaker come by the name of Winkie Pratney(author of "Youth Aflame) speak two weeks ago. The worship and topics and guest speaker we have are great and all but they fail to acknowledge or refer to the 10,000 pound elephant in the room: LGBT students in Chi Alpha and LGBT in general. I know it's been talked about by people in Chi Alpha that the bible is "true." But we haven't had a discussion regarding sexuality by the campus pastor. I talked about this previously and people have said here that Chi Alpha has a rep for the "pray the gay away" mantra. It's hard to say if my chapter is like that because I have seen two guys at Chi Alpha services, whom I had brief sexual encounters with during the spring semester. I've talked about a guy whom I had a brief sexual encounter with in the Spring, is friends with a few people in my small group. That guy isn't in my small group, but he knows people in my small group. It's a cluster fuck really. I feel anxious sometimes before Chi Alpha service because I see that guy talk to one or two guys I know, and I always fear that he might "out me." Though, if he outed me wouldn't he be outing himself. Right? At the moment, I like my place in Chi Alpha. I have formed meaningful friendships with people and reaffirmed some spiritual side I lacked in my life. I feel as though as a bi sexual in Chi Alpha, I'm "negotiating my masculinity/sexuality" into the social environment of Chi Alpha. I pass as "straight" and have no shed of bisexuality. But on my private time and away from Chi Alpha, I can jump into a bi role. I feel that being in the closet with Chi Alpha is the best way to go, but keeping some "straightness" and "masculine appearing" within that social environment.
