OK so I`m probably pan but right now I am out to a few people as bi. I live with my Aunt who is more liberal than the rest of my family (and I came out to her). My grandma however, is the opposite. If I were to come out to her while I live with my aunt, she would say it's my aunt's fault. I was thinking of coming out once I was in college but my aunt thinks I shouldn't because it's none of my grandma's business. I feel like I'm lying to my grandma or hiding a part of myself from her. Should I come out or only if I have a significant other? Just asking for thoughts.
My grandmother is horribly homophobic and I'm in no way to tell her about it; I'm not sure if I ever will, but she may change. Something I like to do is write out pros/cons, and maybe even write her a letter that you don't send, just to see how it feels, and what you'd like to tell her. I think it's good that you live with someone who supports you, and that could make coming out to your grandmother easier. Something to consider is, if you come out now it will give your grandmother more time to adjust to it (she may be more accepting of you and a future significant other if she already knows). Of course this could also change your relationship with her if she doesn't come around for awhile.
I am NEVER telling my grandmother... I have a different relationship with her than most people do with their grandmothers... I disagree with her so wholeheartedly on almost every political issue that it makes my stomach hurt when I am around her... Just too much anxiety, and that is without telling her I am bi... Nope. Not happening lol... The way I see it she can find out if I end up in a same sex relationship maybe.... Like maybe if I post something on facebook about it and my cousin tells her lol... My reasoning is pretty simple... I have had many intense politically charged conversations with her, I have figured out her biases and they are very anti LGBT, but it is something she is ashamed of because she tries to hide it.. Im just not going to expose myself to her criticisms when she is not really a part of my life. I doubt a significant other of mine would even meet her, regardless of gender... All that being said, I think the question you should be asking is, do you want or need to come out to her? If not I might not worry about it for now... If she is a major part of your life, then that may take a lot of thought... For me living 4 hours away made the decision pretty easy... If my parents still lived 10 minutes away like when I was 3 or 4, then.. well my life would be very different in many ways, but one of them is that I would probably end up coming out to her.... Im so glad my parents moved away from there... One of the best decisions they ever made...
I find this interesting. Some people in the older generations are realizing that their anti LGBT notions are wrong, and that they were raised in similar unaccepting cultures as we were raised in. I don't blame anyone for deciding to not come out to grandparents. I don't have any living grandparents so it's a non-issue for me, and I get not wanting to go down that road. If you truly believe that your grandparent will not be accepting, then so be it. Not everyone's grandparents are incapable of change, though. Just as many parents changed their homophobic attitudes when faced with the reality of a gay child, so too many grandparents have re-evaluated their stances on LGBT because of their grandchildren. It's unfortunate that your grandparent will never know the real you. Of course, if your grandparent isn't really in your life in any significant way, then I guess it doesn't really matter anyway.
