So uhm, I had some issues sleeping over the past few weeks and I finally decided to come out to my mom as a ftm transgender. To be honest I don't know what does she think. She didn't yell at me or anything, it wad just like if she I don't know, didn't react? She kept telling me that you know, the fact that I pretend to be a boy on the internet doesn't mean anything and that this whole thing may not be true. When I asked her to try it and call me David, as my boy name, she refused and I don't know what to do. I feel like I did something wrong. I even told her that I'm not 100% sure about this, that I just need her help to kinda sort tjis out. I feel terrible now, please, what should I do?
Hi Confusedperson1, I'm sorry you didn't get the reaction you wanted. It seems like your mom just isn't understanding that this is real. I read your first post, and you didn't tell her the truth when she asked you why you pretend to be a boy. I think it would have been better to tell her then, but it's ok. You just need to sit down with her and explain again, calmly. I think your first post was excellent, and you described your feelings perfectly. I understand very well after reading it. I think you should print out your first post and give it to your mom to read. Keep trying to explain your feelings to her. When she figures out that you're not "just confused" and really are transgender, then her attitude may change. Good luck! I hope this helps.
As I'm sitting here thinking about it, I think it actually may be my fault that she reacted that way. She never took me seriously before and she doesn't really trust me with what I do, so when I told her, that this may not be real, because after all I can be just a tomboy, I think she kind of heard the ''i'm not 100% sure" part and she was like yeah, just a phase. anyways she told me that when she gets back home from work, we can talk about it again. I think i am just gonna say that I need some time to rethink this whole situation, because it actually kinda crept me out. As soon as I said it out loud, I started to really doubt myself and my boy part, because it just didn't feel right to tell that to my mom. Thanks for your answer and help, I really appreciate it!
You're welcome. I do think you should keep talking about your feelings either with someone or just here on EC. Keeping them bottled up inside and going over and over them in your mind doesn't make forward progress. If things get worse for you, please seek out a therapist. If you really are indeed transgender you will need the support of your family, friends and good therapists. Take care.
Keep in mind that her not understanding or not accepting you isn't your fault, and that people can change. A good friend of mine came out to his mom as FtM and she kicked him out of the house, but he now lives in his own apartment and talks to his mom on the regular and they have a decent relationship over the phone (he moved several states away). Gender can be a confusing thing. I thought I was FtM for about a year, and I've recently accepted that I'm Genderqueer instead. It was hard to accept that I don't fit into the binary, since that's what I was raised to believe. Take your time in figuring all this out; you're young, you've got time! Also keep in mind that transitioning is a process; it doesn't just happen. If you decide you're for sure, I would keep trying. Your mom may come to realize that this is real, and come to call you by your boy name. She may also need time to think about it and understand it. It's also a process for her. Do you have any friends you're comfortable coming out to? Younger people may be more willing to call you by your boy name, depending on where you live.
