Hey everyone! So, I am a man in my early 30s, who is in a serious relationship with a woman, but who is also bi. While I've always known in the back of my mind that I'm also attracted to guys, it's only been the last couple of years that I've fully admitted it to myself. Personally, I am in a good place about it, but I've never told anyone, mainly because I didn't know if it was worth sharing or not since I'm in a heterosexual relationship. Recently, I've been thinking more and more about coming out to a couple of my close female friends-they are open-minded and very trustworthy. However, I still have this fear that they will judge me, think I'm gay and just pretending to be bi, etc. I'm probably worrying over nothing, but I wanted to ask for advice about this. First, since I'm in a relationship and I'm not looking to have new sexual experiences, is it normal to want to share this with other people? Any advice/tips on coming out to them, what to do and what not to do? Thanks for the help!
I think it's very normal to want to share this about your identity regardless of your relationship status. I can totally relate to you. I'm a genderqueer person who appears female in a heterosexual relationship to a cismale, so sometimes I feel like I'm missing being a part of being in the LGBT community and ignoring my identity (part of the reason I'm here, and maybe you are too). Does your girlfriend know you are bi? You may want to consider coming out to her first, if she doesn't know before you come out to your friends. . . If your friends are trustworthy, open and accepting, why not come out to them? I think maybe in this day in age and where you are it's probably fine. There can be stigma against people who identify as bi in the LGBT or the straight community, however, so maybe just be aware of that. As too how, I've never been very good at that part of coming out. Maybe just let it flow organically: your friend mentions a guy they find hot, you mention a guy you find hot. That could lead to a discussion and a "coming out". I tried to drop hints that way to a woman I fell in love with; not sure if she got it . . . (I also worked with her and we were both married at the time so . . . Yeah, a story for another day.) I've "come out" to other people this way too in the past. I came out to someone I currently work with when my ex-girlfriend showed up there. That was helpful. X^D One thing I've found for myself is that coming out never really ends, especially if your gender and sexuality isn't blatantly obvious (i.e. in a hetero relationship). At the end of the day, people are going to think what they think. As long as you know who you are, that's all that matters.
Hey, thank-you for the thoughts on this, it definitely helps! Yeah, I agree, part of why I'm here is I feel I'm keeping a big part of my identity inside with no outlet. I don't think my significant other would understand, and I don't really feel the need to share with her because we are in a monogamous relationship and I'm fine with it, I'm not looking to add in another person or sexual experience. As far as friends go, I think a couple of them wouldn't care at all....I almost did exactly what you suggested, my friend was talking about hot this guy was we both knew and all I wanted was to agree w/her! I didn't though, mainly because I'm afraid that while she probably won't care that I'm bi, she might feel weird discussing guys with me. Do you think this is a valid concern, or am I worrying too much she will think? Thanks again for the response and the support!
