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How tot ell your parents you have a girlfriend...?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Darsch Hielle, Oct 24, 2016.

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  1. Darsch Hielle

    Darsch Hielle
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    So... I have an awesome long story about how my crush likes me and how she asked me out this weekend... However, that's for another time.

    My question- How do you tell your parents you are dating someone of the same gender? I came out to my mom as pan, but my dad isn't fond of the LGBT community and I have no clue how my mom will take me *acting* upon my queerness.

    My first idea was to come out to my dad and tell them both I'm dating a girl at the same time... The classic, "Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet my girlfriend." I mean they both already know her but oh well, if they get the humor it'll be funny.

    But yeah... Any suggestions, or stories of how you told your parents?
     
    #1 Darsch Hielle, Oct 24, 2016
  2. DJHale

    DJHale
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    Congratulations on your girlfriend! That's wonderful! I can definitely relate, I'm pansexual as well. I've had girlfriends before, but none of them lasted long enough to actually tell my parents. But, I do however have some ideas on how to tell your parents.... First, you are very fortunate to have your mom be so accepting. Chances are, that if she accepted you when you came out, then she'll be accepting towards you "acting" upon it. Of course she may be skeptical or have a negative response at first. But give her time. She needs to get a chance to get used to you having a female partner. The biggest thing I can stress is to just give them time to process things. You can't expect them to just understand right away. I would especially be patient with your father. If he isn't fond of the LGBT community, then he will need more time. I would proceed with caution with your father. I hope that his response won't be negative. If it is, you have a big community of friends here for you.

    Hope this helps, and please let me know how things go!

    -Bella
     
    #2 DJHale, Oct 24, 2016
  3. Darsch Hielle

    Darsch Hielle
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    @Bella,
    Thanks! I appreciate you replying to this. :slight_smile:

    My mom has always been an accepting person, which is nice. My dad is... well, he claims to be conservative, but honestly his views seem more liberal, or moderate at least. He acts okay with gay people, but any time the LGBT community is mentioned he makes fun of it and especially things like non-binary people, pansexuality, asexuality, demisexuality, etc. (Which is great.... because I'm pan and demi...) He acts like the only things that exist are gay people and trans people, and even those he doesn't like too much. Especially if his daughter turned out to be "one of them."

    I mean, he's way better than some parents in stories I've heard. Partly because he's not religious so he doesn't have any religious reasons against it.

    But I can feel the "Date guys, marry a guy, have kids, die happy" heteronormativity coming from him.

    So yeah, like you said, I will be approaching him with caution. The "Hey meet my girlfriend" is the best option I can think of right now because it would force him to step up his game and be accepting, whether he likes it or not.

    Thanks again for replying! :slight_smile:
     
    #3 Darsch Hielle, Oct 24, 2016
  4. DJHale

    DJHale
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    @Darsch Hielle,
    It's very encouraging to hear that you are trudging forward with confidence and poise!

    I also feel like introducing your girlfriend would be the best option. You have the insurance that with her present, he can only really say something along the lines of "congrats". After wards, he may want to sit down and talk. Or, in worse case senario, he'll yell at you. Stand your ground. I'm not saying to hit him or something if he makes an advance on you, but be ready to defend yourself.

    I hope all is well!

    ---------- Post added 25th Oct 2016 at 04:33 AM ----------

    @Darsch Hielle,
    It's very encouraging to hear that you are trudging forward with confidence and poise!

    I also feel like introducing your girlfriend would be the best option. You have the insurance that with her present, he can only really say something along the lines of "congrats". After wards, he may want to sit down and talk. Or, in worse case senario, he'll yell at you. Stand your ground. I'm not saying to hit him or something if he makes an advance on you, but be ready to defend yourself.

    I hope all is well!
     
    #4 DJHale, Oct 25, 2016
  5. dublinz

    dublinz
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    Since it sounds like you two are already in their midst, is it possible to drop hints? I don't know of many "best friends" who aren't outed by spending too much time in the bedroom. Staying too late. Always together, etc. etc.

    Good luck.
     
    #5 dublinz, Nov 2, 2016
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