I'm in the closet and I'm really stressed out. My mom is a social worker and is really good a reading people. I'm only 14 I don't feel comfortable coming out yet. My mom is sensing something is on my mind, and I feel she is pressuring me to tell her something. Furthermore, I feel I need to tell one trusted person that I'm bisexual, just so I don't have to keep this secret anymore. I am considering telling my best friend, but I'm worried she will think I like her, and I think her parents are homophobic. I have a big concert coming up that I'm performing at. There is a girl there that I sort of like, who is openly gay, and I don't want my mom to know I like anyone. Please help me I feel the pressure to come out, and I want to wait until I'm in high school.
Hey bigurl, I hear you! You should only Come Out to someone if you feel you are comfortable with doing so. Don't let your mom pressure you into doing so until you are ready. If your mom thinks you are holding something back from her, well you ARE. But that's your right and your choice. Telling ANYONE about your sexuality is a very personal and private thing. When you tell someone, in that moment you are vulnerable and totally exposed as a person and feel like you are awaiting the 'judgement' of the person you tell - even though they have no right to actually judge you. But, still it is HARD! You should only Come Out to anyone on your own timeline. There are no rules on this. If you don't feel the time is right, then it isn't. It is that simple. If you feel comfortable in Coming Out to your best friend, then do so. But a lot of us tend to come out to other close friends first. That's because when Coming Out to a best friend or a parent, we have so much more to lose if they reject us - their friendship, their support, and their unconditional love. Once you Come Out to someone, though, it can be a relief because you have someone with whom you can be honest and open for the very first time and that person is the start of support network for when you finally Come Out to your best friend and family members. Best of luck!
Hi bigurl! QuantumReality's message is so important, and I would hope that if you mom is a social worker she would have had training on how to work with LGBT, and shouldn't outright ask you. I can't guarantee that, though, because parents are sometimes just parents first. Your mom is sensing something is bothering you, so I want to know more about what's bothering you. For me, it wasn't until I had resolved to myself that I needed to come out and wanted to come out that it became difficult to then hide this feeling, and it also became obvious to others around me that something was bothering me. It's hard to hide the emotions from your face. You're stressed out, and it's showing on your face. So, maybe we can help with what's stressing you out and things can just go back to normal until you are ready to come out.
I should have previously mentioned that I have an anxiety disorder, so that sometimes makes things a little crazy. I think I finally had come to peace with the fact that I was not going to come out until I was ready and live life. I think the fact that I'm starting to like somebody is making me secretive. Also, I currently am having a lot of family drama so that plays a big part in everything too. I think that it is just really hard to keep a big secret like this; it's a lot of work. Thanks so much for all the advice! It's made me feel a lot better.
You are definitely right that keeping this big secret is hard. I kept it until I was 47 years old, and the only thing harder than keeping that secret for so long was coming out. I think that if you are able to come out to someone, someone you KNOW will be accepting of you, I really think it will help to ease your mind for a while. You will finally have someone you can talk to in real life. If you choose the right someone, that person can be a confidant for you. Easing your mind will help you to go back to a more normal attitude and behavior with your mom, perhaps relieving her suspicions. We're here for you whenever you need to talk, get advice, or just vent your frustrations. You're not alone, and there are so many people here who identify with your story.
