You know, I never understood the phrase to be honest with you. I'm a 26 year old virgin who has been confused about my sexuality up to this point.. but somewhere I think I've always known that I was a lesbian and that's the underlying reason why I've been keeping myself away from men. Now that I know I'm a lesbian and have finally admitted that to myself, I'm wondering why should it be anyone's business of my orientation unless they are trying to hit on me? I mean, I guess I get the reason people feel the need to "Come out." It's so that perhaps maybe people of the opposite sex won't hit on them or have false hope. I also think it might be a subtle way to let other people of the opposite sex know that you are gay/les/bi. However, for me as a woman, it doesn't matter whether I say I'm gay or not. I already don't capture the attention of women in a sexual manner and I still shot men down when they tried to make physical passes at me. There really is no reason for me to "come out of the closet." In fact, I have more reasons to be scared. First off, my mom is super religious and already looks down on me for small things. Then on the other hand, my dad is prejudice against gays/lesbians/bi/trans. I have every reason to keep my relationship status and orientation to myself. If they find out I'm a lesbian, I'm thinking they will find out when I finally have a girlfriend, if I ever do. I never got the whole, "Stand on a mountain top and shout to the world you're gay" thing. Straight people don't do that. I mean, I guess it's necessary because of today's society. Maybe somewhere deep down I feel the need to come out but at the same time, I'm conflicted because I don't totally get why I'm feeling pressure to do so. Maybe I feel like as long as I'm not letting people know I'm a lesbian, I'm being dishonest... but.. I don't know. I don't want my family to know I'm a lesbian because they're judgmental. I have a lesbian half sister but she's been out for years now. Ugh. Is this coming out thing really necessary for me to do?
Of course not, you never have to come out if you don't want to. It is your choice. Many of us simple reach a point when we are unwilling to hide any longer and, out we come.
One of the basic ideas of heteronormativity is that most people, especially cis-gendered people, are basically assumed to be straight, unless told otherwise. That's why it's so much easier for cis-gendered gay men and women to "pass" for straight. Those wishing to live in an open and out life are particularly obliged to "come out" in order to be recognized as gay. Those gay men and women who fit society's stereotypical notions of gay are often just assumed to be gay and are more easily able to just let people assume and never formally "come out" to people. I guess the idea of "coming out" is more appealing to some than others. My experience is much different than yours. I have lived in the closet for many, many years, and to have finally reached the point of accepting myself as a gay man for the first time, like ever, and not "come out" would just be tragic. I've worked to hard to find myself, I could not possibly stay hidden and closeted any longer. Must needs come out. It means "of necessity, come out." For me, it was necessary to come out. For you, maybe it's not. It's up to each of us to define how necessary it is. Cheers! ride:
For me coming out is a matter of social necessity. I'll admit part of it is because it's something new I've discovered and I want to share that with people, but mainly I need to know who I can trust. I need to know people will be there when I have a particularly rough day. I need to know they'll be there when I face rejection. I need to know that when I'm feeling female and hurting because I can't believe that my friends accept me as female, that they'll be there to tell me I'm wrong. I need to know they'll be there to hold me when I've had a lot of switches and am worn out and scared. I need to know that when my friends and my partner aren't around that I can still talk to my parents. I need to know that when I'm in that "in between genders" stage when my brain is wringing me out emotionally, there are people I know whom I can talk to. I need to know there are people who will call out my denial tactics and stop me walking back into the closet. Ultimately, I need to know that I am loved and accepted, regardless of how I am identifying that day. Lack of acceptance makes me want to hide, and pretending I'm cis leads to dissociation followed by sudden severe bursts of dysphoria and rapid switching. It's horrible. Being trans doesn't make me a bad person, and I need to know that I have real life friends and family who agree with me so I can stop pretending and enjoy being myself. I can't do that if I don't come out.
