Hi everyone, So since the time I was 13 I've always found myself attracted to girls. Anytime I've tried kissing guys or going out with them its always been really uncomfortable. I pretty much started telling random people on the internet when I was 15-16 that I was bi, then eventually lesbian. I'm 20 now and feel I'm still in denial, I've tried making accounts for online dating and will start talking to guys but feel absolutely nothing for them. Then when I switch to the show women who like women option my heart speeds up and flutters like crazy. I know this is what I want, but I'm terrified to accept it. So I guess I need advice on coming out to myself and being okay with it. Also my family is great, and I have a few gay extended family members who everyone accepts. So I should be accepted but also the thought of telling my mom and brother with whom I still live with, I get terrified. I've almost said it a million times, I've tried writing letters, but each time I back out of it. I think this is due to me still being so scared of it myself. I think hiding this and it being on my mind 24/7 is causing my anxiety and depression to be so much worse than it used to be. I'm just scared and I want to be happy.. I'd appreciate if anyone reads this and can offer some wisdom. Also happy almost Halloween!! (!)(!)
You can think of it like this: What's important is being yourself and being happy, so if liking women is what makes you happy, who are you to deny yourself that happiness?
I almost never push anybody to come out, but it sounds like the time might be ripening for you. At least to immediate family. After all, "when I switch to the show women who like women option my heart speeds up and flutters like crazy." That's a good sign -- in the sense that it's pretty clear, and foretells some real happiness in your life, when you do connect. Happy Halloween, and good luck in the World Series
Thank you so much, both of you. You're absolutely right Smores. Beenthrdontht, I believe it is ripening as well. Honestly I was about to do it this summer and after the Orlando shooting it kinda pushed me back in full force out of fear. But I know I can't live in fear anymore. Its no kind of life to live if I'm unhappy with myself constantly. I think coming out to my immediate family is the part I'm dreading the most. I don't care about who else knows and really don't feel the need to tell a bunch of people. If the time comes where I find a girl, I'll just go about it just like I would if I were straight. I'll answer questions but I feel like the only people I need to tell first hand is my family. I have a feeling they know since they've questioned me before, of course I say no but they have had to caught on by now when I never pursue relationships or talk about guys. I've also never referred to my future partner as a he, always used "they, them, someone" etc. Its all just a bit scary still. I think I'm just scared of discrimination and people thinking there's something wrong with me. I'm NOT ashamed but there's just still that "what if?" I guess.. If that makes sense. Its all very confusing but I know deep down that I'm never going to be truly happy or have all this stress off my shoulders unless I'm true to myself and honest with my family so I can start figuring out who I am and what my future will hold. I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow and I am going to tell them for the first time, actually say the words out loud and possibly talk to my family tomorrow. That's what I'm aiming for so we'll see what happens! Also thank you, go Indians! Watching the game now.
I say jump in with both feet. Not with your family but with dating. Try it. You can always walk away. Sometimes, it takes getting a taste of something to say "Yup. This is worth standing up for." In the case of personal acceptance from yourself, sometimes it's even easier... Sometimes, a date with a girl turns into "I want this feeling to be an every day thing. I feel normal for the first time in a long time. I want this." And self-acceptance is born. It's funny how build up makes everything, especially the psyche so much worse.
Dublinz, I have thought about this as well. Sadly though I don't know how to put myself out there to find a girl without using online dating. Then theres the fear of someone seeing me..lol its very bleh.
I was terrified before I came out to myself. For years I tried to convince myself that I wasn't sexually attracted to women. It was a slow process but I gradually realized I couldn't continue to ignore my feelings. And now I have a girlfriend and she's awesome and being with her has made me realize I want to be with a woman exclusively. I'm currently married to a man (who knows I am a lesbian--we are dealing with it, but there will be a divorce in the future because I don't think either one of us are truly happy in the relationship, and we stay together because of familiarity). Anyway, I went out with my girlfriend the other day and met her daughter and her grandchildren (she's quite a bit older than me--I'm in my late 30s and she's in her mid 50s). And it was awesome to meet her family. And it was awesome to hear her daughter, who is close to me in age, say that all she wants is for her mother to be happy. These events have made me realize even more that I want a future with this lady. It's taken me awhile to meet the right lady but now that I have I am more comfortable with talking about my sexual orientation and am even considering telling some of my family soon. I love this quote from dublinz: "Sometimes, a date with a girl turns into 'I want this feeling to be an every day thing. I feel normal for the first time in a long time. I want this.'" That is 100% true. Before I met my current girlfriend I'd never felt that I'd end up with a woman because I couldn't find a woman who wanted me for anything other than sex. I just figured I'd have some sexual flings with women and never find a woman I was truly romantically attracted to, but I have found her and my thoughts are now totally different. I don't know if any of this helps. Just know that I can relate to you, as can many others here. Coming out to ourselves is hard. But for me, coming out to myself was 100% worth it. Do you want to deny yourself happiness? It sounds like you are really into women and that is a beautiful thing. Just be easy on yourself and give yourself time to process everything. Keep posting here; everyone is very welcoming and encouraging. Good luck!
Hey don't worry this is totally normal. I have an accepting family but coming out to them I still found really really hard. I felt like I was letting them down. Hanging around on EC and talking to people really helped me build a bit of confidence and feel more confident in myself before I did it.
I totally get how you're feeling. Even though I know my parents will in time completely get that I like girls, I'm terrified to tell them. Telling my best friends was one of the best things I ever did though. In terms of admitting it to yourself, it sounds silly but doing research and talking to people and dating is helpful! The fact that you're already looking on girls who like girls means your half way there! EC is great for realising how you feel almost every other lgbtq has probably in some way or other felt the same, which is comforting. Good luck with Everything xxx
Thank you all for the amazing support. All your advice has helped so much. I'm so beyond happy I stumbled upon EC and found such a great support system. I took the first step and came out to my therapist! I know that its only a therapist but not long ago I would have refused to even try that. Baby steps, but I'm getting there and already starting to feel a little happier. <3 You all rock.
We rock and you roll girl. Yay for the progress in telling your therapist. Safest start there is. Sorry about the World Series, but I think other things in Ohio will be going well for you. And some other lucky girl you meet.
