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When would it be a good time to come out at college?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Kodo, Oct 31, 2016.

  1. Kodo

    Full Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Currently, I'm applying for some universities and colleges. The primary one I hope to attend is lauded as being very LGBT friendly. I've already applied to that one and now have to get recommendation letters, which is another difficult issue considering I have close to no real-life contacts, but that's another story.

    I was wondering what your opinion is for when it would be a good time to let the college know I'm trans. Someone I considered asking for a recommendation letter from is one of the only non-familial people who supports me as a transguy and could probably vouch for me. But it would be kind of odd to ask them to write me a letter and refer to me as a girl, when they already have been referring to me as a guy.

    Part of me thinks I could go ahead and let the college in question know. But seeing as how I still live at home and my parents would undoubtedly figure out about it if they ever helped with my applications, I can't just yet.

    I just hate this place of being one-foot-out of the closet and the other inside. Advice?
     
  2. falconfalcon

    falconfalcon Guest

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    they may reject you because your trans. Who knows who in that deep messy machine that is the college admissions system will read your application.

    They aren't supposed to do stuff like that but they do it all the time.


    Unless you are completely willing to risk rejection - i wouldn't bring it up with administration until you are a registered student living on campus.


    Sad thing is, colleges are businesses . Profit oriented. They care about their image like crazy.

    sorry :frowning2:


    Take care, be yourself - just be wary. There's a lot of shallow people out there :frowning2: :frowning2: :frowning2: :frowning2:

    acadamia is no exception :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:


    sorry :frowning2:
     
  3. dublinz

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Edmonton
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    I'm kind of going through this at work. Just transitioning myself and the question is "What is appropriate to say and when?"

    You didn't really give an indication of how you identify and dress. Example: if you are almost passing as male, they may just think you are butch and that is what that is. If you are planning to wear your girlie best to impress them and your parents, then that is that. Sometimes we just have to suck it up and do what we need to do in our own best interests.

    In terms of the person who sees you as a trans guy? Sounds like they know you are female but are respectful. As such, I think a very honest conversation is, "Can you write me a letter of recommend?" If you want to be subtle, wait until after they give it to you and say, "Do you mind if I edit it, just in terms of name and pronoun? The college admissions office won't see me as male as my name isn't official changed and so, I have to compromise myself in this instance and do what the red tape requires. I should have mentioned that sooner but didn't realize it. I'll re-type it, print it and then you don't have to re-do it. Get you to sign it later. Sorry bout that. Didn't really see it coming. Don't know why!"

    Something along those lines or just say "hey red tape. Can you use my real name and "she" as the college doesn't accept trans as official".

    And in terms of getting other letters? Just ask. Everyone wants to support academic endeavors. The beautiful part of the human experience is championing someone else's journey.

    Good luck!