this is a bit of a long story, but I feel I need to write it down and I need some advice. okay so my best friend is in a bad relationship. I've never liked her boyfriend. He's been manipulating her for the best 2,5 years. She'll always tell me "don't mind him, he's just like that" and other excuses for his behavior. She's always telling me she can "fix him". Make sure he finishes his education and stays off drugs (I know it's just stupid) His family is messed up. His mother is pure evil, his sisters are unwed borderliners with children, who they don't take care of, because they're living with their grandparents and are being raised as their kids. There's just no hope for these people. But the past few days things have gone completely crazy. I've seen those Lifetime spousal abuse movies. I know the signs. I guess I was in more denial than she was. He's been trying to isolate her and alienate her from her friends and family from day 1. She doesn't speak to her father anymore, her relationship with her twin sister is rocky, she doesn't see most of her friends, she quit teaching at a sail club, the list goes on. Initially I thought it was because she was just busy with her studying. But now I realise he's been pushing her to quit all those things. Apparently he's constantly criticising her hobbies and friends, to the point where she actually listens to him and believes all that crap. I mean, she was the strongest person I knew. She's the only one that knows I'm gay. She's like a sister to me. But now that her boyfriend has realised I'm the one thing he can't get rid of, he's started to lose it. Last friday we spent the day together. All was fine untill she collapsed and I had to call a doctor. Doctor said it was probaply stress (she also works night shifts at a hospital) so I figured it was work that was getting to her. I also told her that now that she wasn't feeling well, she should just take the night off and not fix dinner and do the laundry for that moron (she pays the rent and cleans the house, he does nothing) But that night while I was working I had this feeling things were just off. I mean, I know she's never ever stood up to him and I kind of felt getting her to agree not to fix him dinner might have been irrisponsible. So I get home and my mom tells me everything that had gone down while I was at work. He'd gone crazy and hit her and threw a chair at her, so she got out immediately and came to our house. My mom and her mom (we live next door) calmed her down. He called her so she and her mother went back to their house. He was waiting there with his mother and she did all the talking for him. About how hurt he was and how he had to take medicine to calm down, bla bla, it was all about him. Trying to get her to feel sorry for him again. That's how that entire family always gets their way. So now they're pretending nothing's wrong. Except for the fact that's she's called me several times since the incident yet refuses to talk about what happened. When I try to tell her he's sick, she'll say something like "I know, I can handle it, etc etc... He's also being super nice about me to her, eventhough I know he hates my guts. He's just trying to win her confidence back so he can continue manipulating her. Taking his family's psychological history into account, I'm afraid this could end badly. His sister has been treated by my friends father, who's a psychiatrist. He's been against the relationship formday 1 because he knew just how messed up this family is. He drove his daughter right into that idiots arms. What can I do. Eventhough she's reaching out to me, she refuses to listen. I mean, I can't help her if she's not willing to admit that she can't change him and just needs to get out now that she still can.
You just said it yourself. You can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. Love is a crazy thing that will never be understood. I could see putting myself in a similar circumstance. (me being her) But honestly, I'd break him off. Maybe shes afraid of the consequences, that can be a fear for many women I think. But, it's not your place to change or alter their relationship--it's hers. She needs to take responsibility for her actions and his to make a true change. Honestly, dumping him would be the wisest course of action though. Violence against women is never good in my book. Unless they deserve it. (!) XD I admit being in fights with 3 chicks. Hate those type that say "I can do w/e I want to you. Im a girl! So I don't have to follow the law. You can't hit me if I hit you." Well too bad! Punch, kick, bite me and I'll knock your ass to the floor! :***: GRR recalling bad memories now!
yeah you're probaply right. I guess I was just a little frustrated and desperate due to being powerless. I'm the first person to reason with people and discuss problems, but right now I just wanna kick the living shit out of him :goodevil: :lol:
