So there's this guy I've like for about 7 or 8 months. I don't know much about him. I can't tell if he's gay but other people thought he was. Then I found out he has a girlfriend so he can't be gay unless he's bi. He has something about him that makes me think he's gay. Anyway one night I bumped into him. I knew he'd be where I bumped into him so I was happy to go to this place when my friends decided to go. I didn't see him at all until someone put their arms around me. I had no idea who it was till they let go. The hug felt like ages. Then I saw it was him and my heart sank. I was a bit shocked because for him to give me such a big hug when I don't even know him that well was just surprising to me. When he looked at me though, I looked straight into his eyes. He looked at me in an adoring almost loving sort of way. I'd never experienced anything like it before. It made me feel incredible. I don't think it was there just because I liked him. But I did start to like him a lot more afterwards and wonder what it meant. I've been told by people we had a moment. But I don't get it. Does that mean he likes me? If I saw that in his eyes, does he know his eyes gave him away? Would it mean I returned the same look? Someone said to me if I'm thinking about it, the chances are he thought about it too. And if he did, he obviously decided not to do anything about it and maybe I shouldn't either. I would like to know if it actually did mean anything at all. Like how much can you tell from just one look?
If there's one thing I've learned from looks and other things that would fall under the category of "signals"; whether it be a signal that he might be gay, or in to you, is don't look too far into it. It'll replay in your mind. Over, and over, and over. Even with people that ARE gay, it's super confusing. For example: A friend and I are hanging out, drinking at a mutual friend's house. He's kind of a lightweight/irresponsible. He had just broken up (for the 9th time) with his boyfriend. He drank too much, and had an emotional breakdown. We were laying together on a bed when this occurred. I wasn't expecting anything to happen. We've already established that he doesn't feel for me in "that way". Regardless, as he was having this breakdown, I held him tight to me. This went on for about 45 minutes. Now keep in mind, this is a kid I've had feelings for for upwards of 5 months. I became one of his best friends. A week and a day after this occurred, he texted me. Asked me if he thought we were "drifting". I felt as if nothing changed. He drank, he cried, I supported. Nothing more, nothing less. He thought something had changed. I tried to help him understand it. He said "i've always been able to relate to you. but now.. idk theres something that wasn't there before.. a connection. Even after that I don't look into it. The right choice, because 2 days later, he got back togeether with his boyfriend. No harm, no foul. I guess, in essence, what I'm trying to say is, don't get your hopes up until you're sure beyond a shadow of a doubt, that there's something there. Edit: Upon further consideration, my response has been voided to nothing more than entertainment. It was bad advice, and was a product of bitterness.
It's tough to know. What you describe sounds pretty powerful - and would leave you wondering what it was about. Figure out ways to befriend this guy. See if he just randomly hugs people, or if there might be something there. But as has been said many times here on EC - the only person that knows whether someone is gay or not - is that person. And until they accept / admit / share with you that they are gay, then you have to assume they aren't.
Dude I wouldn't say that was bad advice at all. I would say you feel more inclined to say it though, since there was a personal experience that affected you...but I totally agree with the advice I wouldn't look into it too much (literally and figuratively haha) Don't do anything unless you know for a fact something is there. Just talk with him more, get to know him. You said yourself in the beginning that you didn't know him that well. So I say start there.
It's a datum. A piece of information. In absence of anything else, I'd say it's not much to go on. For instance, I've been accused of throwing "eye daggers" at people several times...and I haven't been. For some reason, my "thinking about other things" look apparently looks like I'm pissed as hell. There may be something here, or they may not. As mest suggested above, your best bet is to start getting to know him better. Then you'll know one way or the other. Lex
