It has been wow almost 10 months since I have come out my my mom! Recently as in the past 2 months my mother has been really homophobic. She has been describing as many people, animals and things as gay and some as even fags! We have always been really close but I just don't know what to do. I am really uncomfortable taking about my sexual preference and I'm nervous if I correct her then she will go into a whole lecture about phases. Before this I have never heard her mutter anything about gays or fags or anything like this...I think it's my fault Maybe I'm just taking the blame... Anyone have any tips or what to tell my mom? :help: Thanks!
Personally, I would just say "It's an inanimate object, it lacks the capacity to be gay" And if it's a person or animal, then just say "He/she/it probably is" or something like that That's generally what I say to people when they say something is gay not meaning homo
I doubt that this trend has come about as a result of your coming out. Chances are, she's just being influenced by a homophobic culture. I doubt her words are intended against you, and they're definitely malicious or meant to hurt you. I wouldn't correct her on it though, because you're just stirring up the ######'s nest, so to speak. Maybe a gentle reminder on how you're not fond of the phrase "that's so gay" or something to that effect wouldn't hurt, but don't push her too hard. Just remember that what she says isn't meant to be against you, and even if she is homophobic, she still loves you. Honestly, if you remind her, you might get lecture. But if you've been out for 10 months and your mother still thinks it's a phase, then she needs to rethink her definition of that word. Being gay is a lifelong phase ;3 Take care. (*hug*)
For me, she is in "anger" stage of the stages of grief, and she is releasing it in a way that can somewhat hurt you. While she thinks you're in a phase, the one in a phase is her and it will gradually go away.
Hi there! It's not your fault! As The Enigma mentioned, maybe try giving your mum some PFLAG material. Here you will find a couple of things that you could give her: http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=594 It's quite possible that your mum is still coming to terms with it herself. Maybe you could just say, 'I really feel uncomfortable and hurt with your word choices when you describe others.' I hope this helps!
Well, I wouldn't say it's your "fault", necessarily, but it may be your doing. If I had to guess, she's doing a bit of aversion therapy. She may be thinking, "If I show him that it's bad to be gay, then he'll get over it." Which of course is like trying to make you get over being tall. What can you do? Do your best not to let it get to you. If she says something in the house is gay, just shrug and say "Maybe they got it from me." Lex
I think the "phase" thing is something a lot of parents think. My mom pulled that one on me,31 years ago! (cough). I think your age may be a factor. I was 16 when I came out. I have since asked my mom why she thought it was a phase and I was right. She did think I was too young to know what I was. A lot has changed,since then. When your mom says something that feels degrading to you,ask her (nicely) to please stop. I do,however,agree that her attitude is NOT your fault. And I also agree that she is sort of grieving and this is her being angry. She'll get over it,when she sees that NOTHING she can say or do,will change the person that you are. Hang in there. You can talk to anyone of us when you need to vent. We're here for you.
I don't think it's your fault, but if you and your mom are close, this would probably be a good chance to try to curb what is becoming a really unattractive vernacular trend. Personally, I would explain what fag means: A fagot is a stick; they used to use fagots to beat gay people. Thus the term: fag. Honestly, I think the word is disgusting. If we called black people lynches (b/c we used to lynch black ppl) or Jews gas chambers, ppl would think we were disgusting. And yet we use the term "fag" like it's no big deal. It is a big deal- the word, regardless of what it's applied to, is deplorable. And most ppl don't fully realize it. She's your mom- she doesn't want to hurt you. I feel like if you talk to her, she'll give you a shot.
My mom did this exact same thing, acted fine at first however later got huge issues. I personally confronted my mother and told her that nothing was going to change and she could either be there for me or become distant. although shes not totally ok with it the problems stopped soon after that. If you do confront her jus remember to be brave and calm. your not in this to fight your in this teach her that gay is ok Fox
