Hi everyone. Ever since I came to terms with being gay, I struggled with trying to tell my family. 3 months ago I finally had the courage to tell my first immediate family member, my older brother. That took a lot out of me. That was definitely one of the hardest things I have done. Now, my brother, his wife, and two cousins know about it. I still need to come out to my parents, because it has literally been eating me alive. I know deep down that they kind of know, but are in denial (because my younger brother brought it up at dinner and he doesn't even know officially, yet -- long story). But anyways, I know they will still love me, but also take it hard. My father said that night at dinner that if I was, he would only worry about my salvation (we are Christian). That really hurt, because I'm ashamed how Christians do stuff like this. I know God loves me no matter what. Also, I'm tired of all the "You need to accept God into your heart..." The thing is, is that I have. I get so irritated by those comments; and not to mention all the "Girlfriend" comments too. So basically, my older bother and his wife are coming over and will be there to help me out. They wanted me to pick the day because they know this is all on my terms. I just cant decide when; I am either doing it tonight, but for sure this week. His wife is coming mainly to be there to make sure it doesn't get too out of hand (what I mean by that is the reactions of my parents). Like I said, I know they will still love me, but you never know how conservative parents, or any parent really, will react to this. I just don't know how to start the conversation. When I told my brother, it was literally a 30 minute process just trying to say the words, "I'm gay." How did others in this situation come out and even bring it up? I want to do it face to face, because I owe it to them. When I do let them know, I will eventually come out on FaceBook to the rest of my family and friends. I was most likely going to do it in the beginning of January.
Hey TanMan, I know what you mean about how hard it is to just say the words “I’m Gay” to family members and even close friends. I have a couple of suggestions. One is that you could have a note card with you that simply says in big, bold letters “I’m Gay” and use that as a fall-back in case the words just won’t leave your throat. Another is that, since your brother will be there, maybe you could pre-arrange a signal for him to declare that you have something you really want to tell them (your parents). That would put you on the spot (but, of course, at your own prompting with the signal) and you’ll either say it or not. If you have the notecard as a backup, that would be the perfect time to pull it out. Alternately, you could simply write them a letter and maybe just hand it to them after dinner or at some other time that you deem appropriate. As far as starting the conversation goes, you indicated that it isn't completely unusual to talk about homosexuality at your family's dinner table. Maybe you could bring up a current LGBTQ issue or something LGBTQ-related in associating with the Election. Or even have your brother bring the topic up. Could something like that work for you? Just some thoughts. Good luck!
I really wanted to tell my parents in person too because I also felt I owed that to them. I made myself a deadline and when the time came I just could not bring it up, so I ended up writing a letter which I'm really glad about now. It made it easier to get out what I needed to say without rambling. I then talked with my mom for about an hour on the phone. It really was the best way for me personally. When you tell them you should feel strong and proud because it takes a ton of strength to do it.
Oh boy, I know this all too well. It's hard no matter what, even if you think people will be accepting. You've gotten good advice here, so I don't really have much to add. My experience is that working your way up to it can be even worse and makes you even more anxious. Plus, as you are leading up to it, you can make the person you're coming out to more confused about where you're going with this. Most of my coming out, including to my mom, basically started with me saying something like, "I've got something I need to tell you. I'm gay, and I'm coming out of the closet." From there, the conversation goes where it will go depending upon their response and their questions. I also had my sister and brother-in-law with me for support, so that's great you have an ally with you. I think you will be just fine. Extreme reactions are rare, and based upon your post it doesn't sound like you will get a negative response. I know that doesn't really lessen the worry in your mind, but the sooner you do this, the sooner this weight will be lifted from your shoulder. I wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes, ok? ride:
