I've identified as gay for almost a year now, and I'm out to pretty much everyone, with one exception: my grandparents. I don't like this situation. Other than my parents, and maybe my teachers, my grandparents are the most important adults in my life, and I love them too much to be comfortable keeping this massive secret from them. Every time my grandpa asks whether I have a girlfriend, or comments on how girls at school must be fawning over me, I die a little inside. Plus, even though I've never had a boyfriend, its more than likely that they will still be alive once I do get one, and I want to be out to them before that happens. Throwing a monkey wrench into all of this is that fact that my grandfather is Armenian, and my grandmother, though born an Anglo-Saxon Midwesterner, was essentially adopted into Armenian culture. The good news about this is that Armenians are VERY family oriented, and my grandparents care about their family the way Reagan cared about tax cuts, so it seems highly unlikely that I'll be estranged from them. The bad news is that Armenians, especially the older ones, are, in general, super religious, and my extended family is no exception. Though the subject of homosexuality isn't discussed often, enough has been said to know that my extended family isn't the most supportive. My plan, for the last few months, was to come out to them on Thanksgiving. Every year, we go around sharing what we're thankful for that year, and my plan was to reveal my sexuality and then say that I was thankful for being free of the depression and suicidalism that I dealt with before coming out to myself. This was so that my parents, who are currently in the "don't ask, don't tell" phase of accepting my sexuality, wouldn't have to know I was coming out to my grandparents until it happened, because they would almost certainly disapprove. But is it too impersonal? Should I find a way to tell them in person instead? Do you have any other advice for my situation? :help:!!
Hey supergayboy1125, I think the scenario that you describe where you Come Out at Thanksgiving dinner when you say what you are thankful for is a really neat idea. You’ll have a captive audience and unless everyone is going to forego dinner, the fact that you are sitting there eating with them will make them have to think about it all through dinner. “I’m thankful that I’m no longer depressed or suicidal because this year I came to an understanding and an acceptance of the fact that I am gay.” It may be somewhat uncomfortable for you if you don’t get an immediate, accepting response from your grandparents, but your parents may be forced to defend you if there is any kind of negative reaction from either of your grandparents – and that could be a good thing. Yeah, it could be an awkward Thanksgiving dinner if your grandparents don’t just tell you that they love you and they will be happy as long as you are happy, but it really sounds like a good plan for Coming Out to me. Good luck!
I think the idea of coming out publicly, especially as being thankful for it, is a really nice idea I don't know your grandparents, but from how you described your relationship, it seems unlikely they'd be extremely negative about it. Although I wonder if maybe telling them in a more relaxed setting might make it easier on all of you? It sounds like a lot of pressure to express yourself like that to everyone on a special occasion, and if it's going to cause you a lot of stress you could always try just talking to them about it when you visit them, so it's more casual. To be honest, I think it should work out either way, so it's just about how you would prefer to do it - good luck
I dunno - but when talking to your grandparents, i would definitely act like being gay is normal. When people, esp older people are trying to figure out what to do about something, they try and get a sense of stuff like that. If you act really scared or nervous , they may think "my role is to doubt this " or something. If you accept it - they are more likely to take THAT cue.. I dunno much about Armenian - but if they are Christian, there is a lot about Christianity and homosexuality - i highly encourage you to tap into that and into those resources.. There is a lot of resources about coming out as a gay Christian too (again, I have no idea what religions are common amongst Armenians - no clue if Christianity is or isnt..) Of course Christians aren't the only religion with information on gay inclusion either... Anyways - you know your grandparents best. I would be available and prepared to talk to them , just you and them, to help them through it (being from a less accepting generation..), whether or not you come out at first publicly to them - i would be prepared to be able to talk to them later, answer questions, and try and bond around the issue and hopefully sort out acceptance. They may need help getting peace of mind around the issue - i would be available to help support them on that.. Take care!!! ( and I'm super glad you are less depressed and suicidal. Do whatever you have to do to keep that going well!!!!!!
