Where to begin... I have a family, girl and 2 kids. I have known for some time that I don´t really fit into the typical family standard, that is, growing up, getting married to a woman and having kids and live happily ever after. I have always though I could suppress these feelings but I feel like I can´t anymore. Have slipped into depression over the past months and it is starting to affect my relationship in a much severe way that it has before. I am not even sure I am 100% gay but I feel like I owe it to myself to find out. The hard part is admitting to my spouse, kids and others that I am not what I have been pretending to be over my adult life. I have kinda finally admitted to myself that I want something else but I can´t think of bringing this up with my spouse, fearing to cause her hurt and also finally admitting to someone else that I might be gay. This has caused me depression in the past when I was younger when I didn´t quite know what was going on and it is picking up again now in a much severe way. Any advice on the subject.
Hey Skyrano, It's way simplistic to say this I know, but, but the longer you put off coming out, the more hurt your significant others will be. By waiting, you will just be compounding their hurt (and yours, needless to say). What you might want to think about is concentrating or focusing on how incredible you will feel when you get this huge weight off your shoulders. You might not feel it right away, but you WILL at some point finally relish the incredible feeling of freedom you will have when this thing is no longer bearing down on you like a runaway locomotive. When you feel better and more in control of your own life you will be much better able to deal with the practical consequences of coming out. You may always feel some guilt about having "lived a lie," but your new life, being who you really are, will make such a difference that your guilt about the past will no longer be front and center.
Hey Romance, thanks for the reply. What you say makes a lot of sense and I kinda know it, that is, I know that along the way or after some time, things will be a lot easier after the rough patch. The hardest thing is just to take the step. In addition to coming out to my spouse, I will also have to deal with other family members, parents etc. who have always kinda talked being gay or bi down but that just comes with the territory I guess. I did go see a counselor who basically said the same thing as you, to look ahead and all that but yeah.. it´s easy to say but harder to do it... :/
Of course it's easier said than done, but you've got to realize this: If you don't do it, it won't get done! You have two choices as I see it: you can come out, and be free or you can not come out and things will go on exactly like they have been (I can pretty much guarantee they will get even worse actually). You do have to understand that there might be unpleasant consequences, probably will be, but being who you are is infinitely better than trying to be someone you are not. I speak from long experience believe me! Please keep in touch here, and let us know how you are doing. So many of us have been through this kind of thing and can speak from "the other side" of the issue and I promise that eventually you will rejoice that you decided to do it. Oh, also, make a plan for doing it. Don't just blurt it out when you get angry or frustrated and do it when most other things in your life and the lives of your others are ok. Don't pick a time when you or your family are having angst over other issues.
Yeah I know... I know I cannot keep living like this for much longer. I have actually been keeping a record of my thought kinda on a weekly basis and what I would like to say when I do decide to talk about it. The harder part is that my spouse has been through a lot in her personal life recently, a loss in the family and also on the work side of things so I kinda never seems like the right time to sit down and have the talk. But thanks anyway, helps a lot to know that other people have been gone through the same and to hear their stories and advice.
I can definietly undertsand your situation because I have been through it. The best thing you can do is sit and have a talk with your wife. Tell her your predicament and the fact that you tried hiding it for the good of your family. But before that you need to sit and do a study of your self, check if you are really a gay. It may take some tiime, still take your own time. Check for your interests , desires and inclinations
Hi, thanks for your reply. I am not even sure I am 100% gay, for sure bisexual, but definitely I think I need to find out and I don´t think I can do that in my current relationship.
