Hi... I've never really posted a thread on here asking for advice, but I have a kind of strange question. Here's a little background: I came out as a lesbian almost two years ago (to myself and others). I recently have shared this with my parents, and just about everyone else in my life knows as well. I never ran into that many problems, and I found amazing support from my friends. Recently, however, I have fallen for my best friend, who is male. He and I have been close friends for a long time, and he was one of my biggest supports in coming out. Our relationship began to shift when we discussed the fact that we would have a hard time marrying or loving (romantically) anyone else, since we are so attached to each other. Since that time, we have become more romantic, and even consider ourselves to be dating. We're both adults (I'm 22, if my profile doesn't say) and are looking to form a lasting relationship. Just on a personality basis, we go really well together. I think that I'm in love with him, but this kind of scares me. Is this even possible? Has anyone heard of this kind of thing? I'm pretty afraid to tell people. Again, my closest friends have been supportive, but I have been afraid to take it to the local gay community, as I worry that I'll be rejected as a "traitor" or a "sell-out." Am I? I would hate to give up this relationship for my "lesbian identity," but I feel like that is what I am supposed to/pressured to do. I'm sorry if that was really long. I'd appreciate any advice. Thanks!
Here's a thought: Maybe you are bisexual, but you lean more towards women. Don't be down about falling for a nice guy; if he makes you happy and you are attracted to him, nothing should be holding you back. I know how you feel though. As a bisexual women, I find that whenever I go out with guys, I feel like I'm somehow betraying the lesbians. Like I should somehow make myself more gay. It's really silly, but I think that is where you are coming from. In the end, 'lesbian' is just a word to describe yourself. If the word doesn't describe you anymore, change it. Don't feel like you have to live up to what the LGBT community considers being a lesbian.
There are plenty of stories about people who've always considered themselves straight, then fall in love with someone of the same gender, so it'd apply in reverse as well. I definitely understand that it'd feel weird, and some people probably wouldn't take it well, but if he makes you happy, then that's the most important thing.
I think thats perfectly fine!! like a couple people already said, you might not be all the way gay, bisexuality is just as possible. I'm in the middle of trying to figure things out for myself, but I just wanted you to know that I think its okay! its more important that you find some one you love, and that'll only be more obvious as things progress!
You know what? It's whatever makes you happy. Don't feel guilty. It's your life,to live the way you want to. Good luck to you,whatever you do,or whomever you do it with!
I'm not quite sure I understand what you're concerned about... Are you worried about disappointing your 'sister' lesbians by switching teams? Nobody in this life is more important than you. Because if you aren't happy and taken care of, you're of no use to anyone else. So it really doesn't matter what they think. Besides - we've got their back here on EC! :icon_wink Same goes for family and friends. You're perhaps bisexual. No biggy. But, is that the conclusion that YOU have come to? A lasting, long term, committed relationship between two people usually has a physical / intimate / sexual component. Are you going to be satisfied with a man if you still consider yourself a lesbian? Have you discussed this with him? And I hate to plant the seed of doubt in your mind, but I also wonder if you should talk to him about HIS sexuality. (NOW I'm a firm believer that every coupld should have that 'talk' before they get hitched!) Why has he fallen for you if you're out as a lesbian? I wouldn't think that he'd see that as a viable long term option for himself. Is it because he isn't sure about his own sexuality? Just some things to think about. Good luck. And welcome to EC!
Like Jim, the problem I see is that sometime in the future, you may fall in love with another woman but already have children with the man you are married to. A video about in JoeSchmoe's thread 'The Tyra Banks Show - "I Hate Being Gay."' talks about this with a gay man married to a woman. Part 3 is the one you should watch.
I have a friend who identifies as lesbian, but is getting married to a guy! She likes women, but he's the exception. In other words, it's perfectly fine! best wishes
yeah...I'm not surprised, sort of just reiterates in my mind that the Kinsey scale is more valid than ever. Reminds me of this 'Oprah' episode where they talked about the complexity of sexuality: http://theyaketyyak.blogspot.com/search/label/7 - Oprah scroll down until it says: "Women Leaving Men for Other Women (1 of 2)"
You're not a sell-out. I think all things of this sort are on a spectrum... everyone's at least a little bisexual. Just because you are generally attracted to women doesn't mean that there aren't men that you can fall in love with - especially this man in your life. In fact, I think it's impressive. He's obviously a great guy if you can fall in love with him- even when your preference is women.
Well, everyone's needs are different. The emotional attachment is there, but is the sexual component there as well. Or is that even important to you, to him? Like Jim, I also wonder about his sexuality and desires. But as for the people in the lesbian community - the only community you should be concerned about is the one with you and your best friend. Good luck!
Are you both in love? and he is good for you? if the answer to both questions is yes, then consider yourself lucky a much better label than gay, or lesbian or bisexual...
