I feel guilty being in the closet.* It started when I first started to realize the depth of homophobia.* It made me angry.* When I would see a homophobic politician get ejected, I would think, "Don't people care how this affects my community?"* But then I would realize that it wouldn't affect me.* It would only affect the people that are brave enough to come out.* People getting bullied and harassed and sometimes even attacked.* Yet I'm safe in my closet.* I'm ashamed of myself for being such a coward.* I feel like I need to come out and face the difficulties that come with it but I'm scared.* I want to be out and proud, and I want to set an example for gay youth.* I feel like a coward. ---------- Post added 10th Nov 2016 at 11:27 PM ---------- Sorry about the asterisks. I wrote this somewhere else and pasted it here. Not sure why those showed up. ---------- Post added 10th Nov 2016 at 11:27 PM ---------- Sorry about the asterisks. I wrote this somewhere else and pasted it here. Not sure why those showed up.
Even if you live in the most liberal democracy in the world the idea of coming out is daunting and challenging and it doesn't make you a coward if you are not ready to face that challenge yet. Before coming out, each and every one of us needs to assess our personal circumstances and decide if it's safe and reasonable to do so. If, for example, we live at home with very conservative parents and siblings and we rely on them for the essentials of life, it may be highly risky to come out. To do so, could expose us to multiple risks that go well beyond opposition and hostility. Choosing to remain in the closet, in these circumstances is understandable and probably wise. It doesn't mean we stop the coming out process altogether, because we can still do a lot of preparation and groundwork while we are in the closet and take small steps forward to give us hope and keep us encouraged, but to smash the door open and tell all could be dangerous. I don't know what your personal circumstances are, but I notice from your profile that you are only 19, so I'm guessing there is still a need for family and community ties at this point in your life. I would urge you to think about the future and how you can move towards a point where coming out will be possible in the future. If you're not sure what that means or how it might be possible, talk to us about it. You are part of our community and we care about you and want you to feel connected to us. Many people have lost hope this week and seem very discouraged about the future, but one thing about the LGBT community stands true... we never, ever, ever give up. In the face of adversity we should (and must) come together and love and support each other and work and fight for what we believe in. If politicians in your state or country stand in opposition to your rights, fire yourself up and mobilise to see them defeated, but don't be defeated yourself.
Brother...nothing is cowardly about being in the closet. It's a scary thing to come out. I was forced to...was outed in the military...things eventually worked themselves out and now I'm glad it happened. It's taught me a lot about myself and what I can handle. I always envious of the prior service military members who were with the HRC. Those men and women went to congress, public rallies, anywhere they could to get the message out. I wanted to be with them and do my part. The bravest I got was to donate money haha. What Patrick ^ says is absolutely true and couldn't have been said much better. Once I came out to family, I was living on my own, was financially stable, and had a great network of both gay and straight friends who had my back. I knew I'd make it if they weren't supportive (which I should have never been worried about). You really should take all of what Patrick said into consideration. If you aren't supported, do you have somewhere safe to go...are you financially stable...those types of things. You'll always have a family here to talk to. Sometimes, the closet is about self preservation not cowardice.
Thanks, Patrick. I'm glad to hear you say that. Being closeted sometimes makes me feel disconnected from the LGBT community. So I really appreciate what you said. ---------- Post added 11th Nov 2016 at 08:25 AM ---------- I really liked that you brought up your service. I plan on enlisting in the next few years. It makes me feel better knowing that you were scared too. Thank you for answering my question...and for your service.
I understand this on a spiritual level, as I am still closeted myself. The days will come and go where you do feel guilty - however, as was mentioned above, you need to be wise about it. If you risk physical or emotional harm by coming out, or if it's just not the right time, there is nothing cowardly about it.
I'm glad to hear you're considering enlisting! It's a great experience and you will learn many valuable lessons about life. You will also learn things about yourself and learn exactly how strong you are and can be! It's very commendable and I wish you the best of luck. And yes, I was extremely scared...even going into the service knowing I was gay. I'm glad that things have progressed for the better and you'll be able to serve without being forced to hide such a special part of yourself. Keep your chin up and charge on brother! We'll still be here if you ever need!
I agree with everything that has been said here. However, just think what might happen if every closeted person came out at the same time (including all of the closeted conservative politicians!). It would shake the planet.
Holy shit, I've also thought about that in the past. They couldn't do anything but accept it if so many people came out, but I'd also worry for those in the less accepting countries, where they might be in danger. As for the OP, I think everyone should come out when they're ready. I've been called a coward for not coming out yet, but I don't care. If being courageous means coming out in a time of your life when you have close to zero support and possibly grave repercussions then I accept the title of coward.
