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Fear of coming out

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by AnimusReborn, Nov 12, 2016.

  1. AnimusReborn

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    I will just get to the point.
    I am afraid of coming out because of how my close friends and people around me, expecialy my parents would react. Its not that my parents are religious or something but they seem to be negative towards anything gay related. For example my father thinks its a disease and needs to be cured and there has been numerous times in the past when he sad simmilar things.
    So i simply dont think i can come out due to all the negativity attached to it. Its really bothering me because i have to act as if i agree with people when they say things like this just so i could fit in with everybody.
    Some of my good friends come from a religious families and would probably reject me if i would to come out.

    On a side note, all of this has led me to kinda hate myself and have experience extreme social anxiety sometimes.

    Iv created this account just to see how other people would deal with this situation. I will be checking posts daily to see if there is anything that could help me.
     
  2. Totesgaybrah

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    How old are you? If you are independent from your family then I would come out to them. If you still rely on them for anything then you may want to wait.

    I do know how you feel I had the same problems when I was younger, I just recently came out, my parents were similar to yours, not religious but not exactly pro lgbt. They are not thrilled but they still love me and support me, its only been a week and they really are fully supportive.
     
  3. Romancer

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    "On a side note, all of this has led me to kinda hate myself and have experience extreme social anxiety sometimes."

    Don't you think you answered your question? I know it's hard to accept but if you do not come out then you will continue to hate yourself and have anxiety, and I can pretty much assure you it will only get worse the longer you wait. And besides, all of this making you hate yourself is NOT "a side note"! It's the basic issue in your situation; hating yourself is NEVER EVER good. It is destructive and keeps you from growing as a person and becoming the real you. Anything in your life that makes you feel this way is something that you need to address right away. Self hate and anger kept inside creates depression which is a very dangerous thing. It can create a cycle in which you find yourself spiraling down, and down, and down. The longer you let this go, to further down you will go, and the further down you go the harder it becomes to get out of it.

    Don't let other people continue to have this power over you, to continue to make you feel so negatively about yourself, to hate yourself.

    Also, maybe your coming out will be the very thing it takes to make your parents reconsider how they feel about gay people in general. It might be the first step in helping them grow as well as yourself.

    You have got to love yourself, and you have got to want to be the very best (gay) person you can be, and you can't do this if you continue to hide the real you.

    Come out and accept the pain and on move on...this way you will be going forward toward a much better life.
     
  4. AnimusReborn

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    Yes, i am 19 and i still rely on my parents but i am not worried they would kick me out or anything because i know they love me but its like i dont want to break that picture of me in their eyes.
    Thank you for advice and i know i shouldn't allow people to have control of my life but thats why i joined the forum to see what is the best way to go about this. I dont want to feel this way anymore but at the same time am afraid i might feel worse if i do come out.
     
  5. Ditz

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    In the end it's all about your life.

    when it comes to parents, they often say anti gay things because they are either suspicious of you being gay and hope that it might nudge you into the opposite direction, or they really are just clueless and haven't had to think about the hurt their words can cause.

    Inevitably, coming out forces them to deal with it and rethink things. My religious parents where very anti gay, after coming out they've had to deal with the fact that their son is gay and that forced them to reevaluate their stance point. They where the ones who had to change and adjust their thinking and they did because ultimately their love for me was bigger than the small aspect of my sexual orientatioN.

    You know your parents better than anyone else. If you know they love you unconditionally, than telling them might be the way to go to start healing yourself. Remember that they too will have to deal with a whole new reality which will take a little time but in the end it will be worth it.
     
    #5 Ditz, Nov 13, 2016
    Last edited: Nov 13, 2016
  6. Totesgaybrah

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    I know what you mean about not wanting to break that picture of you that they have, that was my biggest concern with coming out. I knew they would not disown me of anything like that because they love me. I just did not want them to think of me differently.

    When I was your age and younger I also had thoughts of self hatred and tons of anxiety up until very recently I still had the anxiety but I somehow got rid of the self hatred in my early 20s, like I used to hate looking in the mirror or seeing my picture, now thats not there.

    I think if you are ok being gay which it seems you are then I think it would be healthy for you to come out to at least your parents and some close friends, I know it is scary but in the long run it will be worth it. Plus you don't want to wake up one day at my age and still be dealing with this.

    Ultimately this is all up to you.
     
  7. Jolly Hermione

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    How about you just wait? I know it's not the best idea, but maybe it's just not the time to come out yet.

    I'm doing kind of the same thing. I know that my whole social environment (except my family) is not ready to accept me for who I am. So I just wait until I'm out of here and somewhere where I feel accepted ^^

    I hope, once you've told your family they still love you :slight_smile:
    Or maybe my advice is just stupid and you should listen to the others ^^
     
  8. AnimusReborn

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    I am just little bit confused right now, i will think about what you guys have wrote me and see what is best. I will let you know if i make an action.
     
  9. Romancer

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    It's good to think and re-think this, but don't get stuck in a cycle of just thinking about it. Ultimately, you will want to act on it...to do it!
     
  10. AnimusReborn

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    Hopefully yes i will. Thanks everyone. I will probably just reply to this thread once i do it.