So I was going to a LGBT health center because I really want a therapist and see a psychiatrist for some medicine...been having bad depression. So I just told my mother I am trying to schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist. She was asking me about the place..and I was like "Oh just the group of therapist and psychiatrist in the city that deal with groups of people and have a good standing in the community. They even hold fundraisers for LGBT group...so they try to help the community." The my mother said "Why are you always talking about LGBT stuff...are you gay? The average straight person wouldn't constantly be bringing this up." **she said this in a nice manner just inquisitive.** and I just said... "just what I say...nothing really to it." Yes, could have been a good opportunity to come out, but I want to be more secure with myself and my sexuality. Plus I am still not hundred percent how she would react....so I rather not admit to anything until I have a good grasp of my situation. Has anyone had this happen before with a family member? Also my question is does she suspect I am homosexual or at least bisexual? This isn't the first time she has asked me if I am gay...(I am female not male)
Kind of sounds like she may suspect. Possibly was trying to give you an opportunity to tell her there. Don't sweat it too much. Like you said you want to be a bit more secure. And, you're right that you never know how someone will react. But if you've never known her to be homophobic then your chances are probably better.
Thanks for the reply. She's been questioning me slightly (very subtle) for the last 5 years....she's just once in a blue moon tries to open a dialect for me to share my sexual identity. she never shown true homophobic tendency but she does sometimes come off like someone who still has some discomfort about it which I can understand it's different from her understanding of relationship...hard to understand differences sometimes. It can make it hard to really predict how she would react to such information. I'm still trying to get secure in my sexuality and this is myself.
Wow, five years?! Ok I have to tweak my response now. If she's been asking that long don't you think she must know? Have you been dating women during this time? I guess what I'm wondering is did she suspect you weren't straight years ago and you are only just starting to figure this out? Or has it taken this long to get secure enough? If you've known you are queer for years you probably aren't going to get much more secure.
It sounds like the time is ripening for telling Mom. She sounds like she's ready for it. Of course it's you that has to say it. Think of it this way: it's something she needs to know in order to be the best Mom for you.
Sorry for a tardy reply...computer couldn't reach site. Yea five years...over that time period I probably was confronted 4 or 5 times. One time she asked me randomly in the car, "Are you gay?"....I honestly don't remember my response but I didn't say anything to elude I was/am. So she's not really pressuring me. Her brother-in-law is gay (which is my uncle)....so it's not out of the realm of possibility I could in fact be gay. I'm in my 20's and never shown interest in men except commenting if a Man is handsome or very intelligent which I think anyone can tell if someone is attractive. I never brought a guy home to meet the family nor have I appeared to have been dating a man. So that probably raises more signs for her. But, I have tried being with guys...just never worked out mostly because I couldn't really develop anything. Even guys suspect I am homosexual or they just think I don't like them. I might have demonstrated to her more emotional interest in women...because women were the ones that could really hurt me. I date one female in 8/9th grade... but I wouldn't really consider it true dating..dating at that age is significantly different than my age now lol. Then some girls here and there. But, I haven't really date anyone since mostly because I wasn't ready to accept my sexuality. To be completely honest I been questioning since 2007...I told myself (blame yahoo) that I couldn't know until I slept with a guy. Well when that happened I really started to question myself...so been questioning and ruminating about it since 2012/2013....Now I am pretty secure with it...but I need more time to fully be secure with it..I'm almost at the 100% acceptance stage. So I would say it took me a whole long time to be pretty secure with it. So I want to be at that 100% stage and sit on it for some time....as if I want to make my home comfortable before having a house warming party. long response...but thank you for opening a chat with me. ---------- Post added 14th Nov 2016 at 11:28 PM ---------- Hopefully she doesn't flip when I tell her. I am still not sure how confidence she is in me possibly being gay/homosexual. But, I would definitely have to mentally prepare myself for huge amount of questions because that is just how she is...a million questions for everything. But hope to at least come out in the next year time period. I would like to have certain things in order...mainly a support system.
Yeah the support system is important but if you're not living at her home there isn't much she could do to you other than throw a tantrum. What is it you're unsure about. You've been with both women and men and know that men aren't for you. I'm unsure about my orientation sometimes as well but I've never dated or been intimate with a man so I have a big blank spot there.
Right now I live with her because my finances aren't that peachy and other reasons. So I rather move out or be back on my own before I come out. I'm not really unsure about anything I just want to be comfortable with myself before I come out. I just don't feel ready sharing that aspect of who I am. I do plan on coming out to her by the end of 2017. I just have bigger fish to fry than to really deal with whatever her reaction may be. I really need to get my depression in order and figure out career stuff.
