So, over the weekend, I was going to go out to lunch with a trans friend who is in the process of transitioning. I framed my story very well to my religious parents. My friend came out as a lesbian before coming out as a trans man (my mom doesn't know he's trans,but has taken issue with "her" (him) being a lesbian). At first it was a non-issue. I didn't end up going due to a schedule mix-up. However, my mom cornered me Sunday night, and forced me to have a lengthy talk about what happened. That Christians/people of faith are called to be separate from unbelievers, and that if someone is deliberately living the lifestyle of an LGBT person, the church shouldn't be friends with them or really have a relationship, other than to point them to Jesus. I am a person of faith, and I believe in God, but as a closeted gay person, I believe that the church is called to love and include the LGBT. The conversation kept getting deeper, like "I know you don't believe that it (gay marriage/homosexuality) isn't okay, but sometimes, with some of your answers, it could be taken otherwise." Kind of like she knows the truth, and she's fishing. But she won't come right out and ask me if I'm gay. I was asked not to see my trans friend, and told that I shouldn't be friends with any gay people. Things kept getting dropped like, "I know that God calls us to love the sinner, but I think as a whole that topic is something to stay away from." or "She's not a good influence on you." I even got "What if she's, I don't know what it's called - like where they do both, and you get emotionally attached, and she wants to sleep with you and then go back to her lesbian lover? (I don't think she understands how all that works)" Anyways...all that rambling to say (aside from her homophobia) I almost get the vibe that my mom knows, and I know that most affirming LGBT parents say that they knew before their kid did. I almost came out to her last night, but I still can't shake the feeling that it won't end well. My father is still a record-setting homophobe, and my mom said last night that the idea of lesbians having sex makes her want to vomit. Still, I hate lying and continuing a charade with her if she already knows anyway. Thoughts?
Do you feel like you have enough support? I'm really really really glad you still want to come out Are you doing OK? "expect the best, prepare for the worst" Are you getting prepared for the worst? people who talk like these guys do, sometimes throw tantrums You going to be OK? The most important thing, is that you are OK Take care!!!
This is just my opinion so take it however you want. If you feel that coming out would be dangerous or that it would cause more harm than good, then don't come out. In general, even when parents "know" that their child is gay, they usually do not act upon it until they get confirmation from the child themselves. I've found that there are many things worth taking into consideration when preparing to come out. One thing is how your parents will react. Will they accept you or reject you? From what you've described, it seems that neither of your parents will be accepting of your sexuality. This is worth noting. The next thing to consider is how their reaction would affect you. Since you have the impression that neither of your parents will accept you, you have got to prepare for the possibility that they will indeed not. Would you be able to handle the emotional pain that would come from your parents rejecting you for who you are? The most important thing to consider is whether or not you would be safe and well off if the worst came to worst. Are you financially dependent on your parents? Would you have anywhere to go or any way to sustain yourself if they decided to kick you out or stop supporting you financially? Also, are you certain that you would not be put in physical danger if you were to come out to your parents, and they didn't support you? I know these questions are grim, but coming out to parents who potentially won't accept you is itself a grim subject. Usually what one perceives will happen does not, so it is possible that your parents will not react as badly as you may think. Regardless, it is definitely worth preparing for the worst. Good luck.
