I'm not sure the exact definition of "homophobic", but I'm pretty sure my coworkers and some of my friends fit the word. Some of them believe that homosexuality is a mental disorder, some don't like to talk about it, and some are just against the marriage aspect. They aren't the type of people to do anything violent or deliberately mean, but their opinions are still there. I want to be out and proud, but I also don't want to change my relationship with them, especially the people I work with. I like my job. I have a good work environment. I just don't think people would look at me the same way if they found out. Is coming out worth risking my job environment and maybe my friendships?
That's a decision only you can make. Yes, things will change, that's unavoidable when you come out. Still, if they are tolerant people, they might be okay with it as long as you aren't pushy or "flaming" I've got a few rather homophobic friends but, they are cool with me as long as I don't shove it in their face. I'd never invite them to the club with me, I don't mention hook ups to them and, I ignore their use of pronouns for me that I don't like. I'm out and proud of who I am but, I'm not going to alienate friends simply over my personal preferences and gender identity by constantly throwing it in their face. I don't hide it either, if I see an attractive person when we are out together, I comment, just as they do, no matter the gender of the person I happen to see. In the end, we are a lot more than our gender and orientation and, if people can't see past those two, out of the many things we are, that is their problem, not mine and, I don't need them in my life. I don't base friendship on gender or orientation and, I don't need friends that want to to that to me.
So you say your co-workers aren't mean, but they have their homophobic opinions. Well, every one is entitled to their opinions (although in many work environments these days expressing such opinions is not considered acceptable). You too are entitled to your opinions regarding homosexuality. It seems almost that you are telling yourself that your co-workers opinions are more valid than yours, because you don't feel comfortable expressing yours. Why would you let these co-workers dictate to you who you are at work? Why are you letting their opinions carry more weight than your own? And, maybe even more importantly, why would be friends with anyone who has homophobic opinions? You seem to be saying that your co-workers aren't homophobes, they just have homophobic opinions. A homophobe is a homophobe...period. Whether they bash gay men in dark alleys or just have homophobic opinions, they are homophobes. I know this is a delicate thing, being gay in the workplace with homophobic co-workers, and I know jobs are not easy to find these days. But still, how much of yourself are you willing to sacrifice to keep your job? I know nothing about where you work or what type of job you have, but before I retired I worked at one of the major universities in the US, in New York state (not NY City) and the uni has very strict rules about harassment or making other people feel uncomfortable about their gender, sexual orientation, race, religious beliefs, etc. Does your workplace have similar rules? None of this may make sense, but I guess I should just go back to what might be my major point...why are you friends with homophobes? Maybe you should tell them and then just strive for a kind of peaceful co-existence....
