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Coming out to multiple people

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by nisomer, Jul 6, 2005.

  1. nisomer

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    I am a counselor for a childrens music workshop that starts next Monday. I am very good friends with the 3 other counselors there, and I'm thinking about coming out to them during our lunch break. What do you guys think? Is it a bad idea to come out to multiple people at the same time? Should I do it individually?
     
  2. I don't think it's a bad idea to come out to multiple people at the same time. If you want to talk about it at length w/ each of them, then maybe individual would be better. But if it's just something you want them to know, then go ahead and say it when they're all together.

    Have fun counseling at the workshop! (I wish I were musically gifted. :slight_smile:)
     
  3. goratrix

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    Ok, you have to figure out how group dynamics (sp?) work. It changes from group to group (a lot). I for instace, told one person of a certain group, and now most of them know, and that was mi intention in the first place.

    I don't reckon that just popping in saying: hey, you guys, I'm gay is the best choice... however, if it is appropriate (say you are discussing something like gay marriage or something that could possibly lead to homosexuality) it's a great oportunity.

    The bottom line is that only you know these guys, and your relationship with them, and their relationships with each other, so only you can try to anticipate their reaction.

    My experience with group dynamics, not exactly related to comming out, but close enough, is that they either become extremely supportive, and perhaps some of them approach you later with some questions, or they become extremely unsupportive and agressive and the friendship is spoiled, with most of them anyways.

    If you think they'll accept you, then do it, and try to explain why you chose to tell them all together, assuming you yourself know.
     
  4. Micah

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    As Goratrix has said, it can either work in or against your favor. If majority of the group are accepting, than it can help to sway those who are unsure of whether or not to accept your sexuality. On the other hand, if majority are against it, they can have a negative impact on the rest of the group. You really have to decided whether or not this is going to work in your favor.

    But this is a music program, so I wouldnt think you'd have *too* many objections :wink:

    Good luck :grin: Hope it all goes well for you!

    Dave
     
  5. nisomer

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    thx guys. I'm pretty sure they'll take it well. Afterall, they are as liberal as you can get. (not that that has anything to do with it :slight_smile:)
     
  6. CryCrazy27

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    wish i had the courage to come out as quick as you are.
     
  7. Everyone's timeline is different, Cry. Don't worry yourself over time. You'll come out when you're ready. :slight_smile:
     
  8. Micah

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    Don't forget to let us know how it goes :slight_smile:
     
  9. nisomer

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    hey your out to a couple of people arent you?? But like motionmaker said, we will all come out when we feel we're ready. And if you ever need someone to talk to, I got cho back :icon_wink .

    ps, we should really get together someday. :grin:

    Anyways on the topic at hand, I'm going to a meeting with them in a couple of hours. Maybe I'll feel them out a little...hehe
     
  10. nisomer

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    Ok I just found out today that there are going to be 9 counselors! Yeah...so who knows now. I know all of them, it's just I don't feel right coming out to some of em. Especially a large group such as 9 people. But who knows, we might not ALL go out during our lunch breaks. I'll play this by ear.
     
  11. cachocapu

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    That's a very good point... Take exactly the time you need to settle things down and come out to other people.

    One day I came out to a friend of mine even though I didn't really want to do it. I mean, he's a nice guy and we've been friends for long time, but it's one of those people you wouldn't mind if they knew, but would not actually want to tell them by yourself. Anyway, I was a bit drunk :rolleyes: and I told him.

    Next day we saw he went something like "Oh, and about your issue... Have you told to anyone else?" to which I replied "No, not anyone new" (as I told him some of my closest friends knew.

    He said "I think it's time for you to come out, time passes, and blah, blah..."

    Man that really got me angry. Nobody should believe himself able to say such things to anybody. When it's my time to do my things, I will do. Take care about your problems and leave me with mines, I'll ask your help when I need it. :bang:

    So, nk1114, how did it go? :icon_wink
     
  12. TriBi

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    nk1114,

    Good luck if you decide to go ahead with this...but...don't worry if it doesn't feel right. As you said, it is a big group, and it might well be easier/mor appropriate to do it individually or to a more select group of those with whom you feel comfortable.

    Whichever/whenever - hope it goes well :slight_smile: