Please, someone help me out. I am literally so mad at myself right now. I told my brother I was gay back in August. That was the hardest thing I have ever done. Just for the words "I'm gay" to leave my mouth was so difficult. Well today I had the perfect opportunity to tell my dad. We went out to dinner, and I was finally getting the courage to tell him before we left. Well as soon as I was about to bring it up, a family comes in and sits about 4-5 feet away from us. I could hear their conversations, and I assumed they could hear mine. So I decided to wait until the ride home. I literally told myself that I would do it once we hit a stoplight or stop sign, but then one stop sign became the next, and so forth. I'm just so scared... almost like I'm ashamed of him knowing I'm attracted to guys. I came to terms with it around the end of June this year, but why am I ashamed? Well as the night went on, my mom came home and we all watched a movie together. The movie ended and then they began to watch some TV. I decided I would try and tell them both at the same time this time around (I wanted to tell my dad first, because I feel like my dad will take it easier. And I also feel like it's easier to tell one person compared to two, because that's two reactions I have to deal with... not to mention two pairs of eyes staring me down). So as I tried to build up the courage to tell them both at the same time, I was pacing back and fourth in the hall way/ living room. As I began walking toward them (while pacing back and fourth), I kept telling myself I would do it. But once I got closer, I chickened out (literally every time). As I left (I don't live at home, but I see them every day ), all I wanted to do was cry, while hating myself for not manning up and telling them. Gosh, why is this so difficult?. I feel like I need to tell them face to face, but I'm so scared. And I feel that if I do it that way, I can face my fear and start growing socially. Right now I just want to stay in bed and cry... thank god its 11PM and time for bed. I'll try again tomorrow, but I feel like I'll just sissy out again and not do it. Oh, also I need to mention that I'm ready to come out. There isn't any one pushing me to do it. I need to do it, but I'm just scared. It's time to do it.
I know how you feel, I tried so many times to tell them face to face but I could never go through with it. Eventually I had to send an email to tell them. Now I'm glad I sent the email instead of telling them in person. For one reason it was way easier for me to do plus I was able to get out everything I wanted to say without rambling. Another reason is that my mom said she was glad I sent an email instead of in person because it gave her time to process it before talking with me. I just came out on the 4th of this month, at first it was scary but now I feel great about it. Luckily my parents have been nothing but supportive. I've gotten better hugs from my parents this month than I have in years, especially from my dad. Just last night we(my brother and I rent a house together) had them over for dinner to our house and it was great, normal conversation no awkwardness or anything. Coming out is the hardest thing I have ever done but it was worth it. In the long run it wont matter How you do it it just matters that you Do it. The weight will lift and a smile will appear on your face. On the 4th which is the day I planned on telling my mom face to face, we went shopping and I was going to tell her in the car. We talked about a bunch of stuff but I could never get the courage to bring it up. Once we got back and I dropped her off at my parents house I went home so mad at myself. I knew that if I didn't send an email right then and there that it would be a long time before I had the courage to do it again. So I just wrote up a quick letter and sent it. Whatever you decide I wish you the best of luck!
Totesgay, I decided that I'm going to write them a letter when I get home from work tonight, and give it to them when I leave for work tomorrow. I just don't have the courage to tell them in person, as I feel like I'm dissapointing them. I was talking with my brother, and he says that he thinks I should do it in person. I agree, but i just can't. He keeps telling me that I'm not ready to tell them, but he doesn't understand how hard it is to say it. He doesn't understand how hard it is. Thank you again for everything. When I get home, I'll post an update on how the letter is going.
Hi Totes!!!! So I know I said that I changed my mind and decided to write them a letter. Well, I decided against it. I just felt like I owed it to them to do it in person. But I did it! I told them today at lunch. I posted in the "coming out stories" threads. It felt good to tell them, but it was extremely awkward. Like I felt not normal. Like I was ashamed.
*big hugs and rushes off to find the full post* Way to go! That took courage. *more big hugs* Patrick Seattle, WA
