I'm a girl, I'm 16 and I'm bi and I have only come out to one other person in the beginning of this year. Coming out to them was amazing and I was able to talk about my feelings and she was super supportive but she wasn't one of my closest friends. I had known her for about a year so we were good friends but it wasn't as important as it would be to my closest friends so I took more of a risk telling her. It's been a year and this friend keeps telling me that I need to come out sooner or later and I can't keep it all bottled up. I don't think she understands because her friends are incredibly supportive and aren't homophobic at all but my friends are different. I know my closests friends aren't extreemly homophobic but they aren't comfortable around lgbt people. I have three friends that I have been friends with since preschool and I really want to tell them. When I try to bring up lgbt topics by taking about people in our grade one of my friends tells me that it's okay that their gay but she doesn't want to be friends with them. Another friend is more okay with it but she seems to think that any girl in our grade that is gay or bi is attracted to her or something and she says it makes her uncomfortable. My thrid friend may be my closest, we're neighbors and I think she is the most accepting. I think she suspects that I may be gay or bi bc she's asked me before but i've avoided the question. The only thing is is that she is part of the reason that i figured out that i like girls. We have kissed before like at slumber parties where everyone is like who is the best kisser and whatever. We used to kiss a lot and I liked it more than I thought I should and she's very touchy and she'll touch my upper thigh and I would get this tingly feeling that Ive never really felt before and I really liked it. That confused me for the longest time because I don't know if i have a crush on her or something. I just kept telling myself it's just because its human touch or some stupid excuse I told myself to make myself feel better. Anyway I really want to tell her now and I feel like she already knows but I'm afraid she'll be weirded out because we've kissed and that she'll think I like her. (I don't know if I do) and also she's known to be really bad at keeping secrets and I feel like she might tell someone so I'm not sure if I should tell her but it's really torturing me because I tell her everything and I've been keeping it to myself for so long. Sorry this is kind of a cliche question but I just want to ask someone honestly, because I feel like the friend I've told really wants me to tell people and I don't think she cares if they won't be accepting. idk any help would be great
Sorry to clarify by "the start of this year" I meant the school year. Also when my friend told me that I need to tell someone because it's been a year I meant that I told her that I have been certain I'm bi for a year. (I've been questioning since I was 13) and she has been telling me since she's known that I need to tell someone which has only been a few months.
Hi Natalie, First, no one should be putting pressure on you to come out to anyone. Coming out is a personal decision that only you can make, and it should always be your decision and at a time when you are comfortable doing so. You may need to tell your friend to back off, that you appreciate her advice but you need to only come out to people when you are ready and not before. Second, she is right, though, about your friends that you are concerned about not being supportive. Whether you tell them now or a year from now isn't going to change their reaction, and more time won't change whether or not you will be able to remain friends with them after coming out. I do completely understand your concerns and fears about coming out to people that you don't KNOW will be supportive. It's scary, and maybe she doesn't really understand that. You said that "we were good friends but it wasn't as important as it would be to my closest friends so I took more of a risk telling her." I disagree that you took more of a risk in telling her, and it's that risk of losing your closest friends that makes you hesitate more in coming out to them. Coming out to the ones closest to us, whether family or friends, is taking the biggest risk because their acceptance of us means the most to us. Ultimately, your closest friends will either accept you or not. I suspect that they will accept you more than you fear, but do realize that if they don't accept you, then they aren't the friends you think they are. Take care. ride:
