Hi everyone, My name is Nick and I am 20 years old. I am in college and have recently talked to my therapist about my sexual attraction to guys. I have always felt it to some extent but never acknowledged it. I have been dating my girlfriend for 1.5 years now and I truly love her. But because my sexual attraction for guys has become so apparent to me, I just feel so much shame and guilt. I know she loves me so much. And I have the feeling the right thing to do is end the relationship. But she is such an amazing girl. I really do love her. But this suppressing of my attraction to guys my whole life has made me isolate and avoid social situations. I think I am bi, I am not sure. But one thing is for sure, I am absolutely obsessed at staring at boys butts. I get so turned on by a decent looking dude with a nice thick bubble butt. It become all I think about. And then I get in the cycle of feeling so much shame about it. I am curious as to what having a boyfriend would be like. But I am absouletlt terrified to let anyone know about this. I have been raised to be very conscientious of what others hink of me and I am afraid of reactions and changes in perception. I have had a past family member come out and the reactions were not good. I know people will think I have been deceitful when I am really just scared and unsure of my sexuality. I also dont wanna break my girlfriends heart because I know she is head over heels for me. I have lost motivation for life, have missed classes, stopped doing schoolwork, or any physical activity and constantly sleep througjout the day. I am reaching my breaking point. Please please please help. Again I dont know what I am sexually. All I know is, my eyes are glued to every nice male ass that crosses my path. I am so stuck and I dont even know what closet I am in.
Hey Ilikeboybutts, Do you love your gf like a best friend or family member? Or do you really love her as a potential spouse? Are you sexually attracted to her or just 'romantically' attracted to her? When you masturbate without pornography, do you fantasize exclusively about women, exclusively about men, or about both men and women? That can be a pretty good indicator of your sexual preference. It sounds like you've grown up in an environment with very heteronormative expectations and even some homophobia. It's very possible that you feel bad about your homosexual attractions and are still dealing with understanding and accepting those attractions because you were taught, growing up, that they are wrong. Just some thoughts.
