I feel like since I recognized and accepted myself as gay, my family has had more and more conversations about different parts of the LGBTQ community. I'm not sure if it really is an increase, or if I am just more aware of it all now, but i often feel like they are all gauging my reaction to having these conversations. I have a cousin who has been out for about 6 years, so I have heard my family saying not overtly homophobic things, but definitely hurtful things about him for a while now. I have always defended him and they know I don't agree with how our religion (Catholicism) treats people who identify as anything other than straight or cisgender. I think they just hope one day I realize i'm being "too liberal" and will agree with them again. This past week while I was home for thanksgiving, my younger cousin came out as Bi, and an extended family member came out as trans. I didn't have plans to come out to my family at the holiday, but I have been thinking about how I want to tell them all, and had planned on doing it soon. Now though, I'm not sure I will have the courage to do so. My sister and mom expressed distaste towards my female cousin, more than they ever have for my male cousin, and mentioned how so many girls just want to experiment and think friendship is something more and interpret it as romantic. They basically dismissed the idea that someone could realize they are gay at a later age, and said my cousin is forcing herself to like girls because society encourages "same sex attraction" and they think she is going to be so unhappy. I tried to defend her, but everything just felt so much more personal now. I felt attacked, and I don't know how I can get the courage to come out to them. I sort of felt like comments were sort of pointed towards me, like they know I am gay and are trying to change my mind without explicitly saying that. I don't look stereotypically gay and they also made comments about how that proves my cousin can't actually be attracted to girls. I guess I don't really have a question, but just am not sure how to sort through how I am feeling now. I will be home for a month around christmas time and the thought of being at home with my family making these types of comments for that extended amount of time is making me feel sick. I know coming out to them might relieve some of that stress, but I still am not sure I am ready to answer all the questions I am sure they will have for me...
