hey.. so a couple people here know about my delima with this girl that i work with... im going overseas is a month. and im sorting everything out before i go.. im writing a letter to this girl... (we kinda slept together - she was my... experiement) i wasnt really friends with her when it happened - but now shes getting into my circle of friends - and i realy need to tell her im asexual... opinions please?? Hey ____. Well, umm, I have this list of things I want to sort out before I go overseas. You were kinda near the top. Call it karma or what ever, I just need to tie up some loose ends. I suppose its an explanation… also I wanted to apologise for my actions, and to say thank you. I actually wanted to talk to you about it, but it always felt awkward around you, (maybe it was just me making more of it then I should) but I obviously took the easy way out by writing it, so here goes…. Firstly, I wanted to apologise for the way that things unfolded. I don’t know what your thoughts are on that night, I know it was never serious, (don’t worry, I’m not going to get all clingy and stuff, quite the opposite actually) That night I figured a lot about myself, things that I already knew, but now I know for sure. I feel that I used you, for self discovery, or sex. And I’m really not proud to be that person. I feel like such a bitch. It was my first time (and maybe my last, who knows) and it was wrong of me to put you in that position. What I really wanted to tell you is that I’m asexual. I’m not sure if you know what that means, but basically, it is a lack of sexual attraction, varying levels for different people. I’ve never been interested in sex, as long as I can remember. I use to think it was because I wasn’t interested in guys. The thought of sex with guys repulsed me (not that I’ve ever tried it – but ew) But I feel the same way about sex with females. There is nothing about it that I like, want, or dream about. Its just… nothing. But you never know until you try it, right? I don’t believe I should change who I am for someone else, so I generally don’t get involved. I would prefer to have my friends, then to screw up another relationship over sex. Most of my friends know that I don’t date, it’s too complicated. Some would probably call it selfish, but I’m not willing to compromise that part of myself for someone else. I just say that people expect things from me, that I’m not willing to give… (They can think what ever they want from that.) I remember the day I met you, I sent john a msg that night saying I can’t believe I actually spoke to you. You were someone that, although I had never met, I idolised you, and wanted to be like you. Ok, I’m gunna stop writing now – this is going off in random tangents. What I really wanted to say was that you helped me soo much to understand who I am, which I now see is who I want to be. Thank you, and I’m sorry.
Ok... I'll go out on a limb here and comment on another letter. :icon_wink Personallyl, I think you've perhaps included too much in this letter to this person. What you really want to do is acknowledge what happened, apologize for not talking about it after, and thank her for helping you learn a little more about yourself. But I question sharing some of the other stuff. If I were to receive a letter that said I was the only person you had ever slept with, you didn't enjoy it at all, and you've decided you are asexaul... I might be a little hurt. "...like, you didn't like it at all?!?!?" Plus, if this is someone that you don't know all that well, do you really need to discuss your orientation? I understand you want to tie up loose ends, but make sure you're tieing all of them up with the right people.
I'm going to second Jim's advice. At first I thought the letter seemed fine, but he brings up some good points. Also, if you are Asexual, here's a message board / site that may interest you: http://www.asexuality.org/home/
