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Coming out to friends who aren't nearby

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Caecilian65, Dec 1, 2016.

  1. Caecilian65

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    Hi Everyone

    So basically all my long-term friends even though I try to isolate myself from them and they from me. They are the only people who I have had numerous experiences with and know who I am in some senses. However, none of them know my sexuality and I don't know how to come out to them. We have never had any conversation about that sort of thing although I know they are left leaning. How can I slowly bring up the conversation without seeming wierd? I usually only talk to them by text or email now so I guess that probably makes it harder? I feel like this is something I need to do but am i just overthinking it? Should I just not worry about trying to maintain contact with everyone I have known in previous states/locations.
    Cheers,
     
  2. Meatballs

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    I think if it's important to you, you should try to maintain contact. The good thing about coming out to people far away, is if they reject you, you don't have to see them everyday!

    Do you talk about girls often? You could always just sneak in a little hint during one of those conversations, or heck, you could just blurt it out one day, no sneaky hints required.
     
  3. Totesgaybrah

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    I just came out to my buddy who I have not seen in person for over a year he lives many states away now. We are not as close as we used to be but we used to live together and have been friends since middle school.

    He was totally shocked and did not believe me at first at all since we joke around all the time. After I convinced him I was serious he was still shocked but fine with it and we made plans to hang out when we can.

    I think if these friends are of any importance to you or you share memories together then you should come out to them, like the above poster said if they don't accept you then you don't have to see them, if they do then great.

    As far as how to bring it up, well the way I did it was "Hey we have not talked for awhile whats new in your life?" He tells me the new things going on with him then I say "well I have news, I came out as gay" we then proceed to have a pretty hilarious conversation. It went well and we are obviously still friends and he is literally a trump supporter.
     
  4. antimarkovnikov

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    A couple weeks ago I felt like I was in a really terrible and cornered situation, needing to come out to someone who was close enough to consider as "almost-family" (i.e. the sort of people who I know already support me and could perhaps continue to do so) without it actually being, well, family (that's a whole series of stories, lots and lots and lots of homophobia). Made the decision to come out to one of my very best friends who lives about 500 miles away—really, it felt like being down 10:1 in a poker match and going all-in. This wound up being done over an instant messaging app rather than via phone, let alone in-person. And honestly? Other than the ridiculous anxiety of going forward with it... it actually went pretty well, to the point where I'd consider them among my absolute strongest personal support right now. The electronic communication probably made it easier, actually.

    IMO definitely make sure they're not hostile to LGBT folks; I don't think they have to publicly be big "allies", but at least "neutral" towards matters of sexual orientation. Assuming they are in fact good friends, they should turn out to be supportive.

    As to how to have that conversation, maybe start off by just trying to "catch up" after a while, then lead into something current events-ish related to the issue, like "how do you feel about XYZ?", before transitioning again to getting more personal.
     
  5. Caecilian65

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    Thanks everyone! Everything in life has been really crazy atm. Job has been cancelled and I have another one for six months 12 hours drive away... I'm thinking maybe I can send this when I put through a christmas card/post card or is that overwhelming for them? Tol many things at once. Some of the people don't even what my previous job was that it is now cancelled.. .?

    ---------- Post added 15th Dec 2016 at 10:00 AM ----------

    To Meatballs,

    We usually never talk about girls or anything like that as most of the people I am referring to are women who are in fantastic relationship. However, usually met them first and then their other half.

    I do have a fey guys friends I guess but I talk to them even less regularly and since I have moved talk has always been about work and study since work has been my passion and basically my life half the time. Woot! Conservation/wildlife management etc.

    ---------- Post added 15th Dec 2016 at 10:01 AM ----------

    Totesgaybrah,
    Thanks for your experiences. Since I have social anxiety that might be a good way to about it? Not sure yet I'll need to have another think about it.