Ok, this is going to be a bit confusing. Let's set up some background information. The person I had been talking to was my boyfriend until the 21st of November when I came to the conclusion he wasn't going to be coming over any time soon. Me and him still keep in touch, but my shitty (excuse my language) parents' reaction practically traumatized him. It's all he can think about at the moment. He is a gay, post-op trans girl. Might I add my parents are the stereotypical conservative, religious, republican bigots that hate LGBT and support Trump and Pence. I had a feeling deep in my heart my parents were going to hate him. Right at the bottom, kind of like that feeling before you take a test. Anyways, I talked to him and he said he could come over noon Monday (the 21st of November). We were gonna play some video games but it had to update. So, I subsequently put my arm around him and he laid his head on my shoulder. It was pretty nice until my mom walked in. She told me to come with her, and we went up to my bedroom. She went OFF. "Why did you have your arm around him?" "Why was he laying his head on your shoulder?". I couldn't take any more. I said to my mom "I didn't want it to come out like this, but, I'm bisexual." First was the look of shock. Then she flat out denied it. "You are NOT bisexual." And then came my grandmother later. Oh my grandmother went off even worse. One of the things that set me off the most was when she asked me how I knew I was bisexual. She didn't even give me time to respond. She then asked me "Have you had sex with a boy?" "No..." "Have you had sex with a girl?" "No..." "Then why do you think you're bisexual?" I replied, "The same way you know you're straight." That ticked them off even more. Honestly the way they treated my boyfriend pissed me off to the extent I was about to go on a tangent. Sooner or later it came to me barely talking until school started again. A few days after this incident, my mom was trying to scare me in the car with all these STD facts and "AIDS this and STD that". She really was treating me like I was gay rather than bisexual, and a coworker rather than her own son. Honestly if I was scared of getting an STD, I'd avoid sex completely. She really was just treating all gay people that day like they were sex craving, abominations of nature. Sorry if I was getting a little ranty, but here's my talk on coming out to my parents.
I'm sorry you had to go through all of this and I'm sorry your parents are really pushing against you so much. I'm sure you feel incredibly sad about how it's all gone. I know it will be really difficult, but try to avoid getting into a verbal altercation about all of this because it will be totally counter productive. If/when our parents see us getting upset, it only convinces them that we are unhappy about our sexuality, rather than unhappy about their response to our sexuality. Can I encourage you to look at the resources on the PFLAG website www.pflag.org and print some of them off for your parents. It may help to convince them that you are serious and not just going through a "teenage phase". Most of the conversations you have had so far have been back and forth, quite heated, with little space for calm and sober reflection and that doesn't aid understanding and compromise on either side. So with that in mind, would you be willing to sit down and calmly write a good letter to your parents, so you can fully explain how you feel -- and include the PFLAG resources for them to read? Not a coming out letter, as such, but a letter that will set out things without all of the bad tempered exchange that has followed since last month. There is no guarantee that it will change things immediately and some parents really can be stubborn with a 'my way only' approach to their kids, but I think it's worth a try. What do you think? Remember we are here for you, when you need a safe place to talk.
I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time. Try not to get into big arguements even though it is hard because it will just rile your parents up even more. Just stick to your guns.. you are very young so they may not take you seriously but if you stick with it and stay true to yourself then they will soon see that you are serious. Sometimes with these things.. parents can need time to process the information. For them.. this is a new reality that they had never wanted for you.. I'm sure they love you but they need to realise that loving you means doing what is best for you and not what is best for them. Good luck.. sorry I can't be of any more help to you.
Normally, I tell children around 10-14 to listen to their parents and trust their judgement and see their perspective. Well, that's going out the window. This is one of the very few exceptions where I would say 'don't back down'. That's easier said than done but know I came out to my parents and I backed down because my father used the stupid 'how do you know if you're gay' talk. (I ended up telling him I had lots of sex with girls but that made them angry) but point is: I backed down and I retreated to the closet. It did so much damage to me and I want to scream for a time travel machine to put myself back into my sixteen year old self and tell her to go argue with them. That being said, if you're not safe then you need a different approach. But, education is powerful and maybe providing them with information on PFLAG or even a local group would help. Never underestimate the power of information and education-because there are parents who went to go figure this out and eventually realized that bisexuality can be realized without sex. Don't give up. Thirteen is a tough, tough age but honestly I wished I realized when I was thirteen I could have avoided so much unnecessary pain and a whole 'adult coming out'. Trust me it's terrifying. I hope you're okay to say the least. What you did took a lot of bravery and I hope your boyfriend is alright too.
Thanks for all the support guys, I'm considering waiting a while before printing some stuff I found on the internet out.
