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Coming out to homophobic uni class

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ConverseCody, Dec 4, 2016.

  1. ConverseCody

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    Hi there. In September I started my Masters degree at university. I'm from Scotland which is in the most part a pretty accepting place for gay people. I'm out to most of my family and all my friends.

    I have a bf and I have mentioned him to my classmates who are British, American and German as I assumed they would be cool about it. However, most of my class is Nigerian and very Christian. We have a whatsapp chat and they mention Jesus and send praying hand emojis a lot.

    Another guy is from Uganda and I know its illegal to be gay there as I watched a documentary about it and you can get the death penalty. He's a nice person and I feel kind of guilty as I want to keep my distance from him on fear of rejection.

    One of my friends said just not to tell anyone but I'm around these people all day and it is making me very, very anxious and I ruminate about it a lot. I feel almost guilty and ashamed because I know its such a serious crime in their home countries. I'm unable to feel proud or like a good person if many of these people think that its acceptable to be killed for loving another man.

    Anyways, sorry for the rant. I guess I just want reassured and advice on how to feel less ashamed and guilty in such a homophobic environment?
     
  2. LittleMouse

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    Just a disclaimer that I am female and not out (yet, I'm getting there!) so coming from a different angle.

    However, I have a similar situation with a lot of people I am associated with through work/classes being from different cultural backgrounds.

    From a university perspective, in my experience, a lot of people coming over to the UK to study are often fairly 'westernised' in ideas. Yes in their countries something wouldn't be done but certainly I was surprised by females attitude to (straight) dating. I was quite shocked to hear a couple of them going on dates (they'd need to be chaperoned in their home countries). Discussions about sex and attitudes were also interesting.

    There are people over here who go against sex before marriage etc and in a lot of cultures that is totally taboo but they seemed to accept that over here it's something that doesn't have such a stigma? There's a difference between not believing in something and actively going against it.

    I think they accept that whilst they do not agree with it, it is something that is actually for the most part accepted over here and get on with it. Yes, an individual person may have something against you, but is that going to bother you? (I'm not saying it's right nor that you should accept but more you need to consider whether you can accept it).

    Obviously there is no saying how they will react but you have a support network from those in your class you are out to. Seeing how they accept it will hopefully guide the rest of your class. It depends on how you feel on the situation? You might not want to make a big deal about it but I don't see an issue with you mentioning your boyfriend if it comes up in conversation?

    I guess it comes to the whole benefits/risk situation. You've clearly come out before and it's gone well, so there will be positives you can take from that?. You've also given them a chance to get to know you, so I think it is less likely you will be defined completely by your sexuality.
     
  3. CharacterStudy

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    I think many homophobic people just haven't had much exposure to friends, colleagues etc who are gay. Probably not explaining this very well, but my (straight) husband is from a culture which, whilst not as homophobic as those you mention, is still far more homophobic than anywhere I've been in the UK. However, he and his friends are not homophobic now, after being in the UK for a few years. Once they met real people, and friends, who turned out to be gay, then they just accepted it and now more or less support LGBT rights. Quite a turn around.

    Until they actually met real live gay people, all they knew was what they'd been told in church, read in certain papers etc. Now, familiarity and exposure does not always result in acceptance, but I think it often does because then you see the common humanity rather than the difference. Hopefully it will turn out like that for you.

    ---------- Post added 5th Dec 2016 at 10:16 PM ----------

    Should add, that their peers who remained in the more homophobic country have remained homophobic.