I came out to my parents about my gender today... Well sort of. You see, I REALLY didn't want to come out to them, but after hours of being yelling at and physically thrown around the room, let's just say I grew desperate. Even then I couldn't get the words "transgender male" out of my mouth, so I said something along the lines of non-binary or agender. I personally don't see the point in coming out as trans male as it would only cause problems for me, problems which do not need to be discussed in this thread. Either way, my parents have been told by me that I am not a girl... And yet they still refer to me as a girl. Right now I'm undecided as to what I think of my parents. They insist that they're supportive of transgender people and the likes, and yet my mum refers to Caitlyn Jenner as a bisexual male (wtf) simply because she opted against bottom surgery. When I demanded for her not to refer to Caitlyn as "he", she referred to her as "he/she". When I told her once again to acknowledge her actual gender, my mum responded with the following: "women don't have a penis, sorry". My dad also refers to transgender people as "transvestites", and he calls a trans woman that he personally knows a "he". They say and do all of these things, and yet they insist that they aren't transphobic and are in fact very supportive of trans people, so right now I am incredibly confused... Another thing to add is that they are very uneducated on LGBTQ+ subjects. Up until today my mum was convinced that sexuality was the same as gender identity, and it reached the point where she would laugh at me for insisting that I was bisexual despite not being remotely feminine. I only managed to get it into her mind that sexuality and gender identity were not the same with the help from my sister. I am not sure what steps I should take to improve the situation that I'm in, should I try and educate my parents? If so, how? Or is there no point in educating them on non-binary genders because 1) it's likely to be problematic, or 2) that isn't even my true gender? TL;DR : I have come out to my parents as non-binary/agender, even though I am actually a trans male. I did not want to come out to them today. I do not plan on ever coming out to them as trans male. As far as I can tell, my parents have some rather twisted views on transgender topics, despite calling themselves supportive. Now I have no idea what to do, or how to even feel about all this. I don't know if this is me asking for advice, or if this is me just venting. Either way, any feedback would be appreciated.
I am sorry to hear it didn't go well coming out to your parents. I think educating them more about gender identity and other lgbtq+ issues could be good to do even if you don't decide to come out as Trans to them for a while. You are right about them not sounding like they are very supportive of transgender people and possibly a little transphobic (although they may or may not understand that is how it comes across). Good luck with whatever you decide to do!
Hey AnAtypicalGuy, I feel for you. Even though, I’m a cis-male bisexual, I can understand and sympathize with your frustration over your parents’ reaction. I also agree with StormyVale’s comments. Clearly, their main issue seems to be ignorance about sexuality and gender identity. That’s not really surprising for cis-heterosexuals who never even really think about these things and who are not taught about the reality of these things in school. You are NOT alone. TBH, when I Came Out recently to one of my conservative uncle’s as Bisexual, he had been reading online articles about transgender people and asked me questions about whether or not I felt like a woman or wanted to be a woman for several minutes before I could get it through to him that gender identity is a totally separate issue from sexual orientation. What you probably need to think about at this point in your life is your immediate future. At 16 years of age you probably aren’t prepare to be out on your own. While that would be the worst-case scenario with your parents, you still have to consider it. If you think that they would be receptive to reading/listening to educational materials that you provide them about transgender, that would be great. If not, could you hold things in long enough to be a legal adult and set yourself to be out on your own before you ‘confront’ your parents with reality?
@Quantumreality I doubt that they'd kick me out of the house, though they may get more frustrated with me if I try to get them to learn more, because they may see me as being patronising or plain stupid. My dad can get quite violent both physically and verbally, so I suppose I'm slightly scared of him. Meanwhile my mum is the one who says offensive things more often so I'm not comfortable with her either. They love to make fun of my sister and I whenever we try to correct them, either that or they defend themselves by saying the typical "but we have black/muslim/gay friends" etc. However my mum has said that she has been reading articles (albeit biased and likely inaccurate ones) about LGBT topics, so I'm hoping that maybe she'll agree to read some of the things that I show her. Either way, I'm pretty sure I won't come out as trans male to my parents as long as I live with them. I'm just hoping to get them to acknowledge that I'm not a girl. @StormyVale I think you're right in that they don't understand, or realise, how transphobic their remarks are. I'm wondering if it's possible to get them to read something that shows them this, though once again I don't know how to do this without risking angering them.
