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Cannot Come Out

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ThatPersonToKno, Dec 5, 2016.

  1. ThatPersonToKno

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Location:
    Birmingham
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Hi:smilewave, I have not been able to come out to anyone so far, it is that I am afraid of not being accepted one of my best friends is homophobic and is in all my classes (I can not avoid him) all my other friends are fine but alot of people in my classes are also homophobic and if I come out I know I am risking my rep, alot will be thinking only tell it to my close friends but they can not keep their mouth shut I do not trust them with such a big secret.Not coming out is causing me to go thorugh depression and each day I constantly think about just hiding and closing myself out from everyone.
    Another issue is that I have a crush on my male P.E teacher I keep getting distracted by him but I can not help but flirting with him and the way he responds is as if he's doing it back (!)(!)(!)(!). It was the beginning of a new term and I asked him if was I right about what we were going to be doing he then put his hands on his hips but a smile on his face and said well that would be no fun would it now? You will have no wait , then a boy came over and tried to ask the teacher a question and he instantly responded can you not see I am talking to ------. He also keeps forgetting my name sometimes on purpose for comedy and sometimes he acutally just forgets . I would not classify my self as a teachers pet but I always try and get a really close personal bond to my teachers, I am always asking questions about him and he does not mind responding. I know this is an inappropiate thing to do but I just cant help it he is so cute, kind and funny.:bang::bang::bang::help::help:
     
  2. WilliamHunter

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    27
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    Location:
    San Digeo, CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Dear one,
    Please be strong and follow your heart, but don't chase your teacher. If your friends don't accept you, time to find new one. Look for the local LGBT Youth Center for support. It will get better with time. Don't stress.
     
  3. Quantumreality

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Arizona, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey ThatPersonToKno,

    I meant to respond earlier, but I got sidetracked. Please understand that on this website, some threads get immediate responses and others take longer, depending on many things such as in which forum they are posted, when they are posted, and which members are online when the thread is posted. That doesn’t make anyone’s thread less important, it just means that it may take longer to get a response – this isn’t a real-time chat site, it’s a help website. (Just trying to explain, since you are new here.)

    So, to respond to your post, I HEAR you. If you know that one of your best friends is homophobic, he would seem to be someone that you don’t want to Come Out to right now. A lot of us come out first to other friends whom with think will be most accepting so that we have support network in place before we Come Out to our Best Friends and Family – those with whom we have the most to lose if they react negatively to our Coming Out.

    Coming Out involves telling others very personal and private information about ourselves. In that moment that we tell them, we are totally vulnerable and exposed, awaiting their reaction as if it is a judgment on our person. It’s definitely not fair, but that’s how it feels. So IF/WHEN you decide to Come Out to someone, the main things to consider are that you expect them to accept you without reservation and that you can trust them with that delicate information, which they will keep a secret and respect your right to tell (or not tell) to anyone else.

    Honestly, dude, your ‘rep’ is irrelevant in the longrun. I’m certain you don’t see it right now. But not being your true self is causing you psychological issues (the depression that you described). Anyone that won’t accept you for the relatively minor part of your character which is your sexual orientation, is not a true friend to begin with. Why would you want to continue to associate with them? And why would you care about what any who is potentially a homophobic bigot would say? You can’t change who you are and their ignorance isn’t a reason for you to feel bad. They should feel bad that they can’t understand how human sexuality really works.

    Having said all of that, IF/WHEN you Come Out to anyone is totally up to you. You can only do so if you feel comfortable doing so. So, don’t ever feel pressured to Come Out. At the same time, you have to balance you own mental well-being against NOT Coming Out. If you feel that you are most comfortable hiding your sexuality for a couple more years until you go to Uni or leave your secondary schooling for a job, that is up to you.

    In terms of your teacher, a LOT of students crush on one or more of their teachers. There is NEVER an appropriate teacher-student relationship, however. You can daydream all day, but, as the student, even if he returned your feelings, the most likely outcome for him is that he loses his job if he were to act on those feelings – if he doesn’t go to jail. I know you don’t want that for him, so you should never place him in that vulnerable position if you really respect him. As for having a close, personal bond, that is a different issue. I had close, personal bonds with many of my teachers. But there is a clear line that can never be crossed in terms of anything romantic and you would only be doing yourself and your teacher a disservice if you tested the boundaries of that relationship. Having said that, if your teacher takes a person liking to you wants to be a mentor to you, you should take advantage of that by all means!

    If you want to talk more, just let me know.

    I hope some of that helps.:slight_smile: