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Unsure about my sexuality

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by wln, Dec 5, 2016.

  1. wln

    wln
    Regular Member

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    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    So im 17 and i guess i'd say im confused. So i come from a pretty straight slightly homophobic area and for most of my life i thought i was straight.

    Im unsure about my sexuality. Ive done stuff with both girls and a guy and ive kissed girls but not guys and had sex with neither. 4 years ago a good friend was at my house and long story short we experimented. Afterwards we both felt disgusted by what we'd done; wierdly after this we started to sometimes do this in school, it never seemed serious and it almost always initiated by him and has been on and off over the last 3 years (not happening very often. Whilst all this has been going on i have kissed a few girls and done things with them but both times i wasnt able to get it up, i thought it was just the alcohol but im not sure as this has never happend with him. Ive never had a girlfriend but thats not through lack of trying as i have fancied girls before.

    Lately ive developed feeling for him (i dont think he feels the same), when i imgine myself with a guy i only picture it with him, the thought of other guys is the same to me as girls i could see my self with ethier. Im unsure because with these feelings ive developed ive realy only thinking about guys and that scars me a little because of the people arround me, i think my family would be understanding but its my friends that worry me, they make the odd homophobic remark and i worry about what they would think if they ever found out. The other day a non close friend jokingly told me he'd kill my family if i turned out gay (jokingly and we were both drinking at a house party)

    I think i just need help coming to terms with this.
     
  2. Guff

    Full Member

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    I think it sounds like in my own opinion that obviously isn't all knowing that you're bi. I've read about a few bi people on here expressing that they sometimes are drawn a little bit more to 1 gender at times than the other.
    Maybe you're bisexual and currently going through a phase where you're leaning towards guys. I've even read about some bisexuals who always have a tendency to lean towards 1 gender. Maybe you're bisexual and lean towards guys not to say you dislike girls or wouldn't date them.

    But ultimately only you can really know your own sexuality, do you think you're straight and have a mini friend crush on him? You bi and just looking more at guys right now? you gay and won't totally admit it to yourself because internalized homophobia? Only you can really truly know. I'm just saying I think you're bi.
     
  3. OrchaidLover

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Laurel
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    All but family
    This sounds a lot like what I went through when I realized I'm atheist and bisexual. I can't give you any advice about coming out to your family as I'm still trying to figure out how to do that. I do know what it's like to be unsure how you feel about someone though. What I suggest is you talk to this person. You never know, maybe he feels the same way about you. If he doesn't then at least you know. You don't what to spend your life wondering "what if". As for you sexuality I have the same words I used with I told my closest friends I was bisexual: I don't believe in limiting who I love based on gender. I don't think you should limit yourself either.
    I also think you should tell your friends, or at least the ones you really trust. If they're really your friends they'll accept you for who your are, even if they can't understand. I know for me, coming out to my friends was a big cause of anxiety but I'm glad I did it because even if I haven't told my family I have people in my life who know who I really am and still care about me. It seems to me that you could really use some people like that.
    Good luck on whatever you decide to do. I hope it all works out.