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Handling uncomfortable feelings in social situations

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by NotSureAboutMch, Dec 8, 2016.

  1. NotSureAboutMch

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    Hi all,

    I'm posting all over this forum and it's really helping. Here's where I'm at. I've now told three people in my life that I'm questioning my sexuality. Maybe I put the cart before the horse with this, but this is how it happened.
    Last night, I told two married friends of mine. If I'm honest, I was hoping that by talking about it and some other deep grief from my past, the feelings would go away. The opposite happened. I was really aware after I talked of being attracted to my male friend.

    I don't know what to do with this. It feels REALLY uncomfortable. I think I've really buried the attractions I've had and now that I'm talking about it, they are really on the surface. Any advice? It feels weird and creepy to have these feelings for friends I've had for years.
     
  2. NotSureAboutMch

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    Hi people,

    Anyone have any insights here? I'm feeling pretty unsteady living my life outside my house right now.
     
  3. Gay Deputy

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    Brotherman, I wish I could say this gets easier and will never happen again...but it does. I mean, if you think about it...we all want to fall in love with and be with our "best friend." So, this tends to happen sometimes! I've dealt with it and a coworker who i fell head over heels in love with for a long time. We also hung out and were friends outside of work. It took me a really really long time for me to accept that it wasn't going to happen and that I needed to chill out. Basically had a come to Jesus talk with myself. After awhile, the feelings subsided a lot. It also wasn't fair to my bf who could plainly tell that I had feelings for him. Btw, coworker...100% totally accepting of me and my bf both. We've gone and partied at his house and at the bars with him.

    Anyway, the feelings did subside after awhile. Just gotta keep it on the down low and have that talk with yourself. It's perfectly normal, btw! You're not feeling anything that the majority of us hvemf already been thru!
     
  4. Patrick7269

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    Not Sure,

    I wrote a post for someone who is sorting out their sexual orientation amidst a lot of fear and uncertainty. The post is here and I hope it might be of help. Please let me know if you have any questions or if I can help more.

    Much love,

    Patrick
    Seattle, WA
     
  5. Gravity

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    It may just be like you've said - you're finally talking about these feelings, and so now you're a bit on overload.

    If this is still new information, try waiting it out for a bit and see if your feelings change. Also, try to look around for other people to date, talk to, etc. - expanding your social circle might be a good way to give yourself other places to focus (if the only people you hang out with are a small group of friends, and never others, it might be pretty understandable why you're starting to feel attracted to them).

    If all else fails, don't hang out with your male friend when it's just the two of you - it might sound like cheesy advice, but honestly, if you're trying to avoid feelings of attraction, not putting yourself in private situations with this person is a good first step.
     
  6. Patrick7269

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    I agree with Gravity. It might be a good idea to wait until you feel a little more settled emotionally before figuring out what to do.

    My guess is that you may have been blocking out these kinds of feelings for quite a while and now that you're talking openly you're beginning to know what you're actually feeling. Although I've known I'm gay and been out for a long time I still tend to bottle things up too much. We all do it to some degree but in extremes (such as being closeted to self) it can inhibit living a full life.

    I've found writing here on EC to be really helpful as well as journaling and mindfulness. If you don't know "mindfulness" is a technique of meditating in silence so that you can quiet the mind. Once the mind is quiet I am much less distracted by the thoughts going through my head and I can much more easily tell what I'm feeling. You might be surprised at what you're actually feeling in any given moment versus what your thoughts "say" you're feeling or thinking.

    Patrick
     
  7. Majush93

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    hi :slight_smile: I kind of know how you feel, I am attracked to my best friend and she is straight...luckily I haven´t told anyone about my crush because I am sure I would just think about it more after I told someone... :/ but it´s just what it is...I don´t feel "guilty" or "bad" for finding her attractive...it´s normal to get crushes on someone :wink:) regardless your sexual or romantic orientation :wink:

    if you friend is straight, well it´s just how it´s gonna be sometimes...not everyone is queer and not everyone is straight...I can tell you what I did with my crush on my best friend - for now, I have decided that I will not tell her that I like her (maybe that will change one day, but not right now) and at the start...I was being more touchy with her, I looked at her more, etc...but then, one day...I had realized that until I tell her how I feel I have no right to act that way with her, so I stopped...I still like her, I still have a crush on her but I stopped acting differently around her because I think it´s not fair to her...do you know what I mean?

    right now, I am grateful for a friendship we have, I am grateful she accepted me the way I am....always :slight_smile: and I hope our friendship will last even longer :slight_smile: and that´s enough for me....I just learned how to live with this and accepted that until I tell her I like her romantically I won´t flirt with her or tried to "seduce" her...it wouldn´t be fair to her...it would just feel like using her when she wouldn´t know my motives.

    anyway, I hoped I helped you a little...I wish you a good luck :wink:))