Hi people, two weeks ago i had a talk with my dad about my current relationship (with a man). Im really frustrated, sad and not sure where my relationship is going. so we were talking about it and i got quite emotional... i dont knwo why i did that, but i had the urgent feeling that i had to come out to him, because that is one of the main issues i have... so i told him, that i feel that i would be maybe happier with a woman... his reaction was ..sobering? i dont know why, but i expected more understanding. or i thought he would just take me seriously at least. he said, "nah, he doesnt believe that. that im just trying to esape my problems in my relationship right now. and then he talked about other things and ignored it completely im not even sure now what he really said, i was just so shocked and disappointed. i feel so stupid and embarrased. it really hurt me, because i thought of him as openminded and tolerant. after that i talked to my sister and she was really supportive. and she was surprised that i told him, because she remembered a sentence he said a few years ago (i didnt knwo about that). that all lesbians are just lesbians because they cant get a man. im so... truly hurt and disappointed. i dont know what to do. actually i was really getting somewhere with myself and was also happy about my sexuality. i welcomed it as a new part of me, making me more me. now its just ... bah... im also angry at myself that i told him in that emotional moment. im even getting it, why he thinks that now and im angry at myself because im taking it in consideration that his point of view is kinda valid.... actually i HAVE a problem in my relationship right now. sorry for the rant... any suggestions anybody?
Well all i can really say is that some people aren't capable of handling a change of view's that differ from the one's the were taught were right when they were children. I would suggest slowly immersing him into the idea by feeding him tidbits of information on your life regarding your sexuality to allow him to digest the the idea. But remember, like i said in the first sentence, some people aren't capable of handling change. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ~ Where there is light there is dark, where there is yin there is yang and where there is peace there is war there must always be balance ~ - RenegadeAce
UmaMae, I have several thoughts that come to mind. I have only partial experience with this, so please take my advice with a grain of salt. First, I would forgive yourself that this came up perhaps in an emotional moment. I think that you were willing to tell him because you really needed to on an emotional level. There's nothing wrong with needing that emotional healing (it's probably long overdue) but I don't think this scenario was the best for you. So I would accept that it's out in the open in a bit of an awkward way for now, and plan what to do next. Second, I would plan a way to come out to him confidently and without the momentary influence of strong emotions. It might be good to write a letter to him rather than speak, since this may take time for him to absorb. Really think about the wording and what it is you want him to know and what you request of him, such as acceptance, support, love. If you can be clear about this with yourself and communicate this clearly to him you'll give him a chance to participate in your life. Also remember that it might take him some time, so as much as possible be gracious and patient. Third, have your own life in good order. Have shelter, food, friends, and money available so that you can support yourself and be emotionally cared for. Be prepared that in the unlikely event that your dad (or other family) doesn't speak to you for a while you will be safe and supported. It's not highly likely that LGBTQ youth are disowned or thrown out, but it can happen and you need to be prepared if you're not already independent. Finally, please take super good care of yourself. See plenty of friends, eat nutritiously, get lots of sleep, pray or be mindful if you are spiritual or religious, and try to do the things that you love to do despite this challenge. You are beginning a new chapter in your life so be sure to be fully alive! Your father will be there for you in time I hope. My family did not take it well (21 years ago) and I had to be on my own for a while. We did get back together, they do love me, and I am glad to be out of the closet. That freedom comes with a price. In 21 years I think the world has changed a lot for the better and you should be alright. You've also got this wonderful forum for the support of all of us who care about you. *warm warm hugs and care* Patrick
