1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Working up the courage to move forward

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by FaeDivine, Dec 16, 2016.

  1. FaeDivine

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2016
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Female
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I knew I liked women from my early teens but my experiences were limited and I wanted to give myself the chance to try relationships with men. I considered myself bisexual but primarily had relationshipsome with men so I ended up closing myself off to true self acceptance.

    A few long relationshipstory later I got into the habit of valuing monogamy almost as if I was trying to be 'good' thinking I would find fulfillment being with one man. Sorry for this tangent my thoughts are scattered but it's almost as if knowing I liked women early in life but not being around many gay women I was attracted to put me into this box where my gay life is and was just a fantasy.

    A few years back my yearning to be open and honest about not liking men sensually became more intense. The relationship with a man I was in (we have lived together the past few years) was serious and I kept thinking I was just trying to throw away something good for some fantasy. The truth is that I'm a lesbian and this relationship is only going to lead to hurt and unhappiness.

    Around this time last year I came out to him and though he was mad I think we were working through it but I chickened out. We sorry of parched things up and have distracted ourselves with our online guild and the combat based MMORPG that we play. The distraction for the most part has been effective but he's unhappy with my reluctance to have sex and seems disappointed with my lack of satisfaction.

    I feel like I've trapped myself because this is my bestfriend who I live with who I've built a life with but I know that it can't go on this way forever if I ever want to enjoy sex again or grow as an individual. I could move back with family while I find an apartment in a different city but I'm so conflicted. Not really sure what I'm looking for as feedback but there it is
     
  2. FaeDivine

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2016
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Female
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Always an outsider I suppose
     
  3. Sawyer

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2016
    Messages:
    199
    Likes Received:
    41
    Location:
    Toronto
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Hi there,

    I think most people here can relate to the idea of safety and familiarity. It took me a really long time to accept I was gay, even though all my interests were in girls. Even when I was in college, I denied that part of myself for safety. People would like me if I was straight. If I told them I was gay, I might lose them.

    When my mom confronted me and my face gave it away that I was gay, it felt like my whole world crashed down on me, but it was still the best thing that could have happened. When I pretended to be straight, I never had a problem finding men...I could be married by now, live a life that my parents would approve of. And even though I have the worst luck with women (never even slept with anyone), I would rather go through all that heart break than to live a lie.

    I think what I am trying to say is when I tried to convince myself i was straight, I thought it was working, but my feelings for women only grew stronger. Denying that part of myself, wishing the gay away for myself, only made my mental health suffer.

    If you stay with him because he is your best friend, but you deny your own happiness, you will grow to resent him, and that won't be good. If he knows you are gay and not sexually attracted to him, but he still wants sex--I don't know. That doesn't sound like a friend to me.

    I wish I could be more help, but I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide.