Femme AF- Help me please

Outright ask him? Either he's clinging to you in a macho sense and doesn't want to be without a girlfriend literally, or is like you said, scared for the same reason but actually gay. If you are sure, then my suggestion is just go for it.

Also, if he isn't gay, just outright tell him your story. Frankly you need to break it off one way or another for your sake.

 

You need to break things off regardless of how he feels about it. You should be honest why though. He might not know you are gay. But don't stay with him out of guilt that he'll be upset. That's just a part of life.

 

As said above, you need to end the relationship. Carrying on will not be healthy for either of you, regardless of orientation. I know creativemind and Kasey have said you should be honest and that would be best, but if you don't feel safe coming out or if you aren't ready, don't. When I ended my relationship with my ex I never actually told him I was gay. I felt horrrndous about it but I hadn't accepted myself and I wasn't ready to tell anyone, let alone him. (I was in denial, I had been trying to convince myself I also liked guys since I knew I liked girls). It ended on good terms though. You've said it feels more like you are friends. Maybe say that? You need to be clear that you don't want the relationship to progress though, you might need to be quite firm. I guess it also depends on your age, a simpler explanation will likely be ok if you're relatively young.

 

Actually, this is pretty similar to my story. My ex-husband (now roommate) realized that he was gay after he started falling for a guy (now his boyfriend). I'm bisexual but tend to lean more towards women. We'd been having intimate relations maybe once a month leading up to him meeting his boyfriend, mostly because he wasn't attracted to me (which I knew going into the relationship--he thought he was asexual at the time).

We decided it would be best for both of us if we broke up. However, we're still important friends and supports to each other almost a year after our initial break-up. There were a lot of growing pains associated with setting new boundaries with each other, but overall, we still respect and love each other as family members. We talk things out when needed, we get annoyed at each other (as roommates do), we hang out together, and we enjoy each other's company--just in a slightly different way, now. :icon_wink

So, I guess I would say that it's best to talk things out and be honest about what you need. It's definitely painful at first to shake things up after such a long time (we had been together for 5 years when we broke up), but it's necessary, and things will smooth out over time. Personally, I'm going to start seeing a counselor because although I've made progress towards accepting this break-up, I still think I need a little extra support to process through it. But, that's just me. The first step is explaining how you feel. Actually, the nice thing about being gay is that it's not really that you "don't like" the other person, you're just not attracted to them because they aren't your preferred gender/sex. :lol: Made things easier on me, that's for sure!

 

We're not going to judge you for what you've been doing. I understand how scary it is to be out in your situation.

All you can do is change the outcome for the present and future.

And what I can tell you is that right now, you need to be out. You need to stop going back to him and hoping something will change, because it won't. You're gay and you're not happy with him. Living a lie will not help you in the long run, so It's time to be honest with yourself!

I'm not sure if a poly relationship is going to fix the situation if you aren't really attracted to him. It's better off you just stay friends and focus on being with someone you like.

 

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but after your last post I'm wondering if you've truly accepted yourself yet? It's not easy but i think it's incredibly important.

 

I think you need to learn to accept yourself before you'll be in a position to comfortably come out. Accepting yourself isn't easy and can take a long time (it certainly did for me) but it honestly is so worth it. I am now in a position where I see coming out as something I will do when the time is right but when I was still ashamed and not accepting myself I just didn't see how I would ever tell anyone.

 

To me it seems like you trying to do the groundwork to open yourself up to new experiences and part of that may come from pushing yourself to be alone. When in a relationship it's great to be able to rely on your partner but it does stunt personal growth especially if you are becoming or blossoming into a self that doesn't reflect how you were on an outward level at the start of your relationship.