Long story short, my twelve-year old brother found some conversations on my phone and told my mom about it. The worst part of it is that he confronted me about it in the middle of church (starting off the conversation by sucker-punching me out of the blue...wtf?). Luckily there weren't too many people around, but he was talking pretty loudly. I come from a deeply conservative family, so the fact that he told my mom is pretty disturbing. She's asked me about my orientation for years, but I've always denied it. I'm not ready to come out to my mom and dad (even at 24). I'm a senior, finishing up my last year in college and come home for breaks. I finished up a dream internship this summer and am still on with the company. My stars are aligning, but I'm not financially stable at the moment. If my parents do choose to confront me about it, things are going to get messy, fast. These past couple days, he's been holding it over my head and hinting strongly at it whenever we argue or don't get along. He used to be my best friend but now I can't stand the sight of him. I'm a pretty sane, grounded person, and I'm not proud of it, but suicide did cross my mind. What am I supposed to do? He's practically been blackmailing me so that he won't tell my dad (who's a pastor) and my other siblings. I'm trapped and it's making my life a living hell. I'm scared of being around my mom now, and even more scared of doing or saying the wrong thing around my brother to set him off. I've gotten to the point where I accepted the fact that I would never come out to my family. I consider myself aromantic, so it's not like I'd be diving into a relationship anytime soon. I'm not ready to cut ties with them (I love my family more than anything...even more than my orientation...but it should be my decision if I ever want to say anything to them). Has anyone ever experienced anything like this or know what to do? Again, I'm 24 years old and am a confident person with a solid life ahead of them, but this shook me to my core. EDIT: This is probably the wrong forum, so feel free to move it.
If you're likely to move out soon, I reckon you should just delay your brother from outing you as best as you can. Nevertheless, I think the best thing you can do right now is prepare for the worst, because in situations like these it is practically inevitable that you will be outed. I was aware of this when I was in your situation, and so I was able to plan how to approach the situation in which I would be outed. My sister used to blackmail me and coax me into revealing my gender identity to my parents. Let me make clear that I did NOT want to come out to them as trans. Eventually I was forced to come out, though not completely as a trans male; instead I claimed to be non-binary. My parents didn't believe me when I came out to them, which felt crushing but was also somewhat useful to me, since I was then able to convince them that everything I said about being trans were lies. They used to accuse me of getting carried away by goodness knows what, and now I use that to my defence. My sister knows a bunch of things that make it clear that I'm trans, but nowadays I just deny it, attributing all of her proof to other things instead. Perhaps the best thing is that my parents haven't seen any of the supposed "proof" themselves, so they really can't argue against me. I don't particularly like suggesting this, but is it possible for you to cover up all the evidence that points to you being gay/aro? If you do that, your brother wouldn't have anything other than his own memory to prove your sexuality, and with enough convincing that could be dismissed as him making things up.
Hold off as much as you can until you are more finacially stable, and are able to move to your own place. Or if you have a safer people to be with, like accepting grand parents, a close friend with his own place?
You say that up until now he was your best friend and as you are his big brother, there has probably been a very clearly defined relationship between you up to this point. Your younger brother will possibly have seen you as his number one role model in life - the person that he wants to become. Now there is a reason that he may have to question that. Also, as with all sibling relationships, previously you have been the one with the power in your relationship because you are older, bigger, given more trust and responsibility etc. For the first time the balance is changing. Your brother is only twelve, an age we can all remember being. It is the point when we start to see ourselves as aspiring adults instead of children but don't yet have the skills. From your post, there is no suggestion that your brother wants to hurt you but there is still a chance he will due to his poor judgement. Have you tried to talk with your brother about this? As two adults on equal standing, not as big brother talking down to his kid brother! Try asking him why he is doing it? Does he understand the consequences? Does he see how much this could hurt you and damage your relationship? Explain to him how important this is to you and most importantly how much you value your relationship with him. When you do speak with him from now on, try to remember how it was at that age. Sometimes he won't be able to say all that he wants to, at least not as easy as you can, so try to be patient and understanding with him and hopefully things can stay good for you. As for your parents, this is something you will have to make your own decision on. If you don't want to tell them, then don't but unfortunately you might not always have the luxury of avoiding the issue and will have to be prepared for them confronting you. On this note, it is also worth considering that while you are 'out' to your brother but not to your parents, you are asking a lot from him and placing a large responsibility on a young persons shoulders. I'm not saying don't do it but it's important to be aware of how it affects him and that you show him the support and gratitude that he deserves for supporting you.
