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Coming out advice for an almost-asleep kid

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Wander, Apr 5, 2009.

  1. Wander

    Wander Guest

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    I've gotten one of the big ones out of the way - my mom and one aunt - and I don't really care to come out at school just yet, but there are still two big walls in front of me that I'm not sure how to break down. I'll try and describe them as best I can, and I'd like some advice on how to approach the situation, when are some good times, recommended methods, etc.

    First, my dad. I mean this in the nicest way possible, but he's kind of a simple guy. Not braindead, not southern redneck, but not really the most professional. He's a worker, not a thinker, and he's been in the south for most of his life. I only just recently learned that he's a Catholic by way of a monthly publication he gets in the mail, and it's the kind that puts "gay marriage" in scarequotes and talks about homosexuality like a mental disorder that needs to be fixed. He's made more than a few offhand remarks about homosexuals, actual or perceived, in public...but he's great friends with my lesbian aunt, and I'm fairly certain he knows about her. I'm thinking double standard, but anyway...he frequently says that he wishes we talked more often, but this is really the only secret I'm keeping from him, and I'm afraid his reaction will be in the "I still love you but you need to get this cured" range.

    Second, my grandmother...total paradox. She's a racist anti-Muslim who bought into all the Obama rumors last fall and still believes them, but she has two gay children who she loves unconditionally. She's crackers for Jesus but is the most pro-abortion rights person I've ever met in real life. She's also been pestering my parents to hook back up again, which has caused a lot of tension in the family, but I'm confident that she's doing it in my and my sister's best interests. She feels like more of an extreme than my father; on one hand, she may take it wonderfully and things could go on like normal. On the other...it's complicated. One of her gay children, the one other than the aunt in the first paragraph, died of AIDS right before I was born, and his partner three years later. She's always telling me how much I resemble him, both physically and in character, and I know it sounds paranoid, but I'm afraid that if I tell her about me, she'll make another connection between the two of us and worry that I might die the same way. I know AIDS isn't just for gay people, but she might not be so sure - she's a little old-fashioned if you couldn't tell.

    So...

    Fire away.
     
  2. olides84

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    Hmmm.

    As for your dad, I wouldn't get worried about that monthly newsletter which doesn't sound very catholic by the way. But it is different between getting along with your aunt and having your own son gay, he will have much more to deal with it. But you said he's been wanting to talk to you more so this is a golden opportunity to do that. This provides you the perfect opening, and then you are smart and strong-willed enough to shut down any "you need to be cured" attitude which is unlikely anyway I think.

    For grandmother, it's all about education. I can see her freaking out because of the experience of her own son. She'd be so worried. Don't play the straights get AIDS too card. Instead, admit that AIDS is still a problem, but reassure her that times are much different - there is so much more known about HIV/AIDS and how to prevent it--safe sex, monogomous partners--and that you plan to follow that path (assuming you do).

    Good luck.
     
  3. Wander

    Wander Guest

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    Up you go.
     
  4. Wander

    Wander Guest

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  5. Greggers

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    Hmm, im guessing you want some advice, but on what? Seemed quite "matter-of-fact" to me. Got any specific questions you would like answered?

    Your gradmother has two gay children and loves them. But she has some weird views that dont affect how she thinks of homosexuality.

    Dont see a problem there...

    Your father has a lesbian aunt and WANTS to talk more. But he might want to convert you.

    Well, not a huge problem here. If you want to change his view on homosexuality, YOUR going to have to be the one to do it. Just by coming out to him you will have taken the first step towards this. Just give him the standard "PFLSG material and videos such as Prayers for Bobby and For the bible tells me so" and lay out the facts: ALL major american medical groups have put out statements saying you cant change someones sexual orientation.