First of all, I had decided to not post here about this since I thought it was something I was going to be able to solve on my own. Not the case. I had the biggest crush ever on this guy at college. He was a jock, he had a good sense of style and gave all the signs of being at least "closeted", same as me. Well I am not a jock, and my style is awful, but we were both closeted. I've been trying to talk to him over two months, maybe even more... He had a class with me, Tue/Thu at 8:00 am. Since he always sat in the back, I had plans to get there late so I had to sit near him which didn't worked. I tried the "hi" approach, to just casually talk to him, and that didn't worked either. Two weeks ago, we were walking down the street, right one next to each other, and I didn't said a thing because I was so afraid he was going to reject me. Last Thursday, he died. And it is something that it's killing me - no pun intended. I am religious, and I've lost all will to go to church. I drink once in a while and yes, too much if you ask me, and I've decided to stop. I got drunk yesterday. Despite me trying to leave it. I am dwelling over his dead and I didn't even got to talk to him. Not even once. I stayed in bed until 3:00 pm yesterday, just to yell to my dad that I wasn't going to church. And all of this is so unlike me. I don't do this, I've never been a "bad boy". I feel that all I've done is just to try to get over him, but it is not working or helping. A friend of mine told me that "but when the fantasy takes over, and we don't know how to cope with reality otherwise, then we have a problem" and that's true. I have a problem. Which made other problems bigger. I need to lose a lot of weight, I need to stop abusing alcohol. I need to get my life in order, to become independent. I need to let my dad know I am... an adult. And all of this things seems to be hard, very hard now. Just because of a fucking crush I had in a guy I never ever had the courage to talk to. :tears::tantrum:
Awwwww honey, thats is terrible!!! im soooo sorry about your lost!!! There is not much i can tell you that would make a you feel better. last year .... this guy that i new in my school had a crush on me.... me being dumb annd blind had no clue that he liked me. Apparently, everyone i new new that he had a big crush over me!!! The day that he finnally worked up the will power to give me a note... he was hit by a car outside are school... worst..it was exactly when i finished the letter...and was looking for him to say i would like to date him ..is when it happened... he is paralized and has to be fed through a tube. I visit him every thursday after cheer practice...and give him a gentle kiss on the cheek...and i ramble on about school.It was hard at first ...but it always gets better!!!!!!
I'm speechless. And I don't quite see the screen of my pc at the moment, your stories made me cry. ;( Jede- I'm so sorry for your loss. *hugs* I just don't know what to say. Exept this- don't try to be alone. Talk to someone about if, if you can. Seek a help of a profesional, if you can. Talk to friends, to someone, who understands you and can help.
My suggestion right now is to take one day at a time. Do I need to pull out the "Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow" passage again?!? These things you're listing are all big. They are all challenging. None of them can be accmoplished today. And none of them need to be piled on top of the grief that you are feeling right now over the death of your school mate. So don't burden yourself with these big, overwhelming problems. Especially now. Instead, decide that you don't need to worry about any of them right now. You're just going to focus on feeling better. Today. Worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes. So what might that look like? Well, what could you do right now / today? Maybe go for a walk. Maybe go to the beach for a walk. It might be an opportunity to mourn at the same time as get some exercise, fresh air, and give yourself some time to think. You're entitled to be sad. Try to take things one day at a time. (*hug*)
Jim's right. You've got a lot to process right now. You won't get over him today, or tomorrow. You'll just have to keep taking baby steps. Do pleasant (and non-harmful) things to get through the day - TV, video games, exercise. Stay social if you can. And take a lesson from the experience. Life IS fragile, and time IS limited. Let the people you like and love know it. And don't beat yourself up for not getting with this guy. You at least made an attempt. It may have been unsuccessful, but many wouldn't have even tried. Take time out to grieve, to feel horrible, cry, punch the pillow, whatever. Then, when you feel that period is over, get back out there. Lex
Aww! Sweety, you poor thing! I'm sorry about your loss. But saying i'm sorry probably doesn't mean anything or fix anything. But i do kinda understand what you are going through because a week before your crush's death, one of best friends passed away. So i know how it feels to lose someone, but at the same time you had a crush on the person so it must have hurt more. I hope you feel better.
