Straight, lesbian or bisexual ????

Hi Zoe. Welcome to EC

I'm sure a lot of people can relate to what you're going through. Am I or am I not is just a stage of coming out. This does not necessarily mean that you are gay and have to come out, it just means you're questioning and that's a good thing

It sounds to me that you're curious about having a lesbian relationship, which doesn't mean you're gay, it doesn't really mean anything. My philosophy has always been to just go with the flow and see where you end up. If you want to try something and it feels right and natural, go with it. You might realise it's not for you and that's cool, at least you've got it out your system. My advice is don't pigeonhole yourself as straight, lesbian or bisexual, just see where you end up. But as you said, I'm not you and only you can make this decision. But hopefully you'll get a lot of different advice from this forum, and if you have more questions, just ask.

 

Yup - no rush to figure this out - as much as you'd like to. There isn't a sure-fired way to determine this one way or another. It will eventually be you that arrives at a conclusion.

Hang out here. Get a feel for how some of us have worked through this. Everyone's story is different, but we share many things in common as well.

Good luck - and welceom to EC!

 

Hi Welcome to EC I know how you feel don't rush into labeling yourself you will know in time. I'm sure EC can help you.

 

Feel free to use the label "not sure yet". Either privately to yourself or publicly. And yeah, things would be easier if you knew, but since you don't, don't try to force it along. It's like breathing. Your brain does a good job at making sure you're breathing at a good rate and getting enough oxygen in. But if you try to force yourself to take breaths in and out, you don't do it quite as well. Trust the brain to sort it out on its own time. Keep noting when you find someone attractive, or what fantasies you have, but don't assume any of them are the "final piece to the puzzle". As you get more data, the picture will become clearer.

Lex

 

Hi Zoe and welcome to EC

I can see that you are very confused. I think, you should do this: just sit down and think about every guy or girl you ever liked, how deep was your feelings and all. Have you ever fallen in love for real? If you have, just think about that time, try to remember your feelings for that person.

About that guy you made out with, maybe you just don't like him, think about that. Just because you know this guy likes you that doesn't mean that you can feel the same.

When I undesrstood the first time that I liked girls too, I was very confused too, but then, when I had time to think about that and I understood (more or less) my real feelings, everything was ok again.

So, I'm sure everything will be ok for you too. ^_^

 

Hi Zoe, welcome aboard EC :smilewave

When I read your post, I found many similarities to my own experiences several years ago when I was discovering my sexuality. I'd always just assumed that I was straight, even though I never really felt attracted to men.

Like you, I also felt a bit awkward when I was around gay people. But for some reason I hoped 'something' would happen too.

As for your situation, I can only suggest to see how things pan out. Although it's not always healthy to store your feelings to yourself, sometimes it's good to just take a time out & evaluate things in your life. On the other hand, is there any way you can have a serious discussion with your bi friend & talk about how you're feeling? I'm pretty certain she would have had the same thoughts when she discovered her sexuality, so it's worth a shot.

If you decide to go to any 'lesbian locations' just remember to be safe. As you mentioned there isn't really a gay scene nearby, I guess you meant parties where there will be lesbians? Either way, maybe go with other people, so in case 'something' does happen but it doesn't turn out the way you'd hoped, you'll have other people there to chill with.

I think you've started off well by joining EC. I found this site around the same time that I started questioning my sexuality, and it helped alot. Even just reading through older posts you'll find people have dealt with similar issues & the responses are very valuable.

All the best Zoe!

 

Hey, welcome, Zoe

I'm like you... pretty confused at the moment. But I'm learning that it's okay. I've told some people that I think I might be gay, but to myself I just say "open minded as yet". It can be really hard to feel at peace when you're not sure and you're feeling up in the air, but in the end, all that really matters is finding someone who makes you happy and loving yourself and them. So try not to beat yourself up over it; just enjoy being with whoever comes along, don't force anything, and remember that being happy with yourself is what matters ultimately, not belonging to any label. (*hug*)

 

Well, it's a hard process that's for sure. And if you stick around EC we'll do our best to help you through it

(Tries really hard not to say this next line----fails)

Denile is not just a river in Egypt



If it make you feel any better I was "Bi-sexual" right up to the point I had sex with a girl for the first time (age 17). Then I looked at myself in the mirror and said, "What are you doing to yourself, Phil?"

That's when I knew that women just weren't right for me. Perhaps think of all the reasons you'd like to think of yourself as a lesbian, instead of reasons you don't want to be a lesbian.

For example,
If you were a lesbian, perhaps your self identity would become more important to you

 

>>>i just feel it would be soo much easier to just know

You betcha. And it'd be easier if we could all fly so we could skip over the traffic jams. But since not all of us are blessed with wings, we make do with what we got.

Relax. You're not going to have it all figured out today, tomorrow, or next week. Just accept that you're "still working on it", and try not to obsess about it too much. It'll come.

Lex

 

Erm seriously your only 18 and im 26 and I only just started to sort myself out im no where near there yet.

 

Yeah thats the spirit. When I see most young people on EC questioning their sexuality it makes me feel old, but even im not old and there will always be someone older that didnt realise or tried to hide it.
I think the more relaxed you can be about it the easier it will be to figure it our, well thats what I found.

 

Yeah, the assumption of heterosexuality can screw things up for a long time. I assumed I was straight until I was about 14. I even used to think, in times of hardship "Well, you may be wierd and messed up and have problems in your life, but at least you're not gay, Helena!" It wasn't that I was homophobic, I was very supportive of gay rights, I just used to think "Thank goodness I'm not gay, how hard that would make things". Until one day I turned around and realised that maybe I was gay.

Irony. ^_^