I took a look around the coming out forum and I've read a couple similar threads to what I'm seeking advice about here. But I'm not sure if I completely relate to the ones I've read... or if I do and I'm also just needing to vent at this point. TLDR is basically the title, any kind of "coming to terms" advice or anything similar is much appreciated. Preemptively sorry for the long post: I've been attracted to girls my whole life, there's never been any question. I'd attempted to come out as bi several times to my parents and I was always told "it was just a phase" and to "get over it." But even though I absolutely liked girls, I strictly went for guys. I never even attempted to meet or get involved with any women. The guys I would go for were always androgynous or had pretty "gentle" faces... if that makes sense. That said, I had some very strong crushes on various guys throughout my life, none of which ever went anywhere. The last time was about five years ago now. Sexually, I've only ever been with men, and it's only been with my current boyfriend that I've actually enjoyed it. I'm starting to think the only reason I enjoy sex with my current partner is because he's been the only one who hasn't harmed me, pressured me into anything, or restricted activities I've wanted to try... he's the only supportive and open-minded sexual partner I've had. Up until about six months ago I had pretty severe depression, and I never really had any "clear" thoughts, like, I'd make poor decisions, handle situations badly, etc. I think the only reason I'm WAAAAAAY better now (we're talking 12 years of suicidal thoughts to none) is because I'm on medication, taking better care of myself, and, again, because I'm with someone supportive. Now that I am better--much happier, lighter, clear-headed---my desire for women has gone from the back burner to being front and centre, and it's all I can think about now. I've discussed this with my boyfriend only under the context of me being bi, and he's been supportive of me trying to actually meet women, but less-so in a poly-sense and more so in a "get the monkey off my back" sense. I'm scared I only dated or desired men because I felt like I had to, not because I wanted to. I'm happy in my current relationship, but since I've started piecing my life back together, I'm also scared this isn't what's right for me, at least not in the long run. I think what's held me back before is why I'm posting here now; I'm scared I'm lesbian, and I don't know what to do about it. And I don't mean anything hate-filled by that, I'm scared because I think I am (and maybe always have been), and if I am, I have even more re-piecing of my life to do than I thought, and I have to figure out where to go from here. Sorry again about the long post, thank you for climbing that wall of text... but yeah, any kind of advice from here is appreciated.
Welcome dragonsax! Don't worry about the length of post. The more you write it helps make things clearer. There's really nothing you can do about 'being lesbian' or not. You are who you are. What we all do or are trying to do is learn acceptance in ourselves. So where do you go from here - keep your mind open so that you can begin the process of accepting you as you are. Why are you scared about possibly being lesbian? If you are bisexual, and in a good relationship, why is it not good for you long-term? Great video here - Are you Bisexual
You could be a lesbian, especially if you're questioning your relationship. Many many lesbians end up with men because they don't know any better. It's not a unique situation. Of course, you could be bisexual with a preference for effeminate men too. Nobody can tell but you.
Thanks for the welcome bunny! I guess it's not so much being scared I'm lesbian as much as I'm scared I've been lying to myself and not realizing it, hiding from myself, that's more what scares me. I always felt like I had to "settle" into the "bi" category and I've never felt right calling myself that. As for my relationship, I've reached a point where I need to find out for myself what I am, which I'm not going to be able to do without experimenting. It's more if while I'm experimenting... or even before that... I'm scared of hitting like a "no going back" situation. I think either way I'm not going to end my current relationship over it, but I'm concerned this with become a bigger issue down the road I guess. Right now I'm at my happiest, but I've also never been more confused.
Hey welcome to EC. Are you attracted to your current partner? Try not to worry about things, you will find the answers you need
You never have to settle and even if you decide today you are lesbian, then later feel nope I am bi, it's okay. It will be okay. It is all about learning who you are and that takes time, for some of us years. I would agree that you need to end the relationship before 'experimenting'. That wouldn't be fair to your current partner or even yourself. You don't need additional guilt or other issues coming between you and self-discovery. But if you think you can find yourself without the 'experimenting', and you feel you do have a good relationship currently. I would try just self-analyzing for awhile maybe even seeing a counselor to help talk through things. That way you can still work on seeing if your relationship is worth keeping.
Hi, thanks silver! Honestly, I don't think I've ever really been attracted to my partners... like, I can appreciate certain features, if they're good-looking and things like that. I don't consider my current partner unattractive, but that's sort of where it ends. It's more his company than anything else. Thanks bunny, it helps to hear (read?) that. My current relationship is not worth losing to me right now, but I'm still afraid of what the future will be like. He and I have been together over a year now, and until the "you still never actually addressed that whole girl-liking thing" floodgates opened, I believed this was going to be my definitive relationship, I guess.
