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How should I do this? Help please..

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by RaeofLite, Apr 7, 2009.

  1. RaeofLite

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    Hey, so I've known I'm not straight since age 17. To some that may seem like not long ago, but to me I know I've changed a lot since then.

    Anyway, this past month I've officially come out to my mom and younger sister(who's in highschool). I told them I'm bisexual. I haven't told my dad (and I'm not sure if my mom's told him, but we have a gay uncle on his side of the family so he mgiht be ok with it...)

    I don't... know. I keep thinking I"m bisexual, but a part of me says "who are you kidding? You just want to appear somewhat straight. You're really a lesbian. Quit copping out." And to be honest, I find my eyes and mind wandering when cute/attractive women walk by... :dry:
    But with guys it's, "Oh yea, he's cute" and then I shrug it off. I've had sex with men in the past and it's been fairly good but... I don't like having relationships with them. But I have a girlfriend for the first time, and she is amazing. We live fairly far away but visit each other when we can. And I love spending time with her, doing anything. Whereas with men, we'd have sex and then I'd almost want them to leave me alone (as bad as that sounds). And while having sex with the men, I'd always imagine it was with a woman in my mind.

    So... my question is, it seems like I'm gay, am I right? I mean, I've never felt happier in a relationship before. And if I am, then should I reassert what my orientation is to my family or?

    ((Thanks if you were nice enough to read it all))
     
  2. Greggers

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    BC, Canada? Me too! Sqweeee :slight_smile: Represent grrrrrl!

    And honey, your a big ol' lesbian! (*hug*)

    And hey, maybe you ARE bisexual, but you said it yourself. When your with a girl its more than just sex. Your sexuality is more than just who you prefer to sleep with in bed, its who you prefer to do the little things with too :slight_smile: If your eyes are drawn to women over men, thats a pretty safe bet you lean towards women. Thats basically the textbook definition of lesbian.

    Be proud though! Your coming to the site already out to some people. Thats a big step, and most people who are just starting here not only have not made that step, but they have not accepted themselves as gay yet. Maybe the fact your in a more distant relationship is good as well. Give you some time to adjust to everything while you take it slow :slight_smile:
     
  3. Maddy

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    Welcome to EC! (*hug*)
    If you feel like relationships with women are so much more fulfilling than those with men, and you're mostly or entirely physically attracted to women rather than men, I'd say lesbian's a fair enough label to use. I'm much the same, I came out as bisexual first and now I use lesbian if I have to put a label like that on myself - I'd say I'm 95% into girls. Instead of saying 'lesbian', though, I usually say I'm queer or just "I like girls". "I like girls" can invite the question "and guys too?", and from there it's easy to toss out a shrug and a "Not really."
     
  4. InaRut

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    I don't want to say you are a lesbian. But I agree with Greg (also in the respects of Canada...REPRESENT!) that it sounds to me that bisexuality could be a cover up.

    You could have sex with 100 guys but if your imagining them as a women and finding hard to emotionally attached to them they really why are you doing it?

    Sexuality is a spectrum that spreads out confusingly between gay bisexual and straight. Sometimes you can LOVE women but understand how a man can be attractive and still call yourself a lesbian.

    It's sounds like your already on the right path to self discovery you just needed a little EC pat on the back to reassure yourself.

    Good luck, babe!
     
  5. RaeofLite

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    Thanks guys. *hugs*

    Nice to see fellow Canadians here too, eh? :wink:
     
  6. Mirko

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    Hi and welcome to EC! :slight_smile:
    Congratulations on accepting yourself and coming out to your mum and sister! :slight_smile:

    It will perhaps take some time before you will be absolutely certain about what your sexual identity is. It seems that you are still trying to figure things out it out. Sexual identities are fluid and can change over time. If the feelings that you currently have, i.e. feeling more drawn to women and if they continue to intensify, then you will have a clearer picture/answer. But even if that doesn't happen, there is a whole spectrum of attachments/feelings that we can develop for different people. Take your time in figuring things out. It does sound like that it really clicked with that girl. That said, if your feelings that you have described stay like that or intensify, then you will have a much better picture of where things are.

    It doesn't really matter how identify yourself, as long as you know that you are happy and have the feeling that 'yes this is me.'

    As for coming out again to your family, not sure if it is necessary at this stage. Maybe once you have figured it all out and are 100% sure, then maybe you could let them in on it.

    I hope this helps a bit!