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I think my parents might know I'm gay

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by crochetgay, Jan 4, 2017.

  1. crochetgay

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    Okay, so a few weeks ago I was watching tv and a lesbian couple came on and my parents were sort of acting like it was gross. So me and my siblings were all in the room and my parents just kind of asked what we thought of gay people. My younger brother (14) said he disagreed with it and then my parents asked me and I just decided to tell them that I was okay with it because I didn't want to sit there and be homophobic with them (they assumed I was, because I used to be before I sorted out my sexuality). So I told them my reasons and my dad said some homophobic things that kind of upset me and I felt like I was going to cry and I think they noticed because after we were done taking my dad hugged me and said he would always love me no matter what.
    I can't think of any other reason aside from him knowing that I'm not straight. They haven't talked to me about it since and the only reason I think they might not know is because they've been homophobic in front of me since then and I know that they wouldn't want me to feel bad about myself (but maybe it's just habit).
    Do you think they know? Should I talk to them?
     
  2. Quantumreality

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    Hey amostlygaygirl,

    It's certainly possible that you semi-Outed yourself, at least in the sense that your parents may now suspect that you are gay. However, it also seems possible that your dad saw how upset you were and perhaps thought that it was because he had been arguing so vehemently (i.e. that his attitude and angry disposition is what upset you), so he just wanted to comfort you and let you know that he will always love you, even when he violently disagrees with you. It's not clear that they connected the dots and actually suspect that you are gay.

    If they are as homophobic as you say, it seems likely that they were just upset that you were so accepting of the lesbian relationship and defended gay people in the family discussion. They may not even be able to fathom in their own minds that you might be gay yourself. That could also explain why they haven't brought it up again. Are your parents the type of people that you would expect to confront you directly if they thought that you were gay? Or are they the type of people who would respect your privacy to either Come Out to them or not whenever you felt comfortable?


    Regardless, only Come Out to anyone if/when you are comfortable doing so and if it is safe to do so. If you don't want to Come Out to your parents right now, don't feel compelled to do so. If they are so homophobic that there is a real chance that they may disown you or even throw you out of the house, you should definitely consider waiting until you are able to be out on your own before you Come Out to them.

    Just some thoughts.
     
  3. iliketolift1

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    Hi amostlygaygirl,

    I'm in the exact same situation as you. I'm sadly not very good at keeping secrets and half of my family are strictly religious with no tolerance towards gay people at all. Every time they say something homophobic we get into an argument so now they constantly ask me if i'm gay. However I still deny it :frowning2:. My mom thinks my interest in LGBT rights is suspicious however unlike my my Dad's side of the fam she's not homophobic but she does think being gay is a choice some people make smh.

    The fact that your Dad said he'd love you no matter what makes me think that they now suspect your gay especially since you used to be homophobic. Thats not something someone usually says at the end of a disagreement. But they seem to care about your feelings and may surprise you when you come out. Sometimes parents which seem completely homophobic come around and change their stance on the LGBT community when their kid turns out to be gay. The homophobia is just ignorance on their part. Educate them on it and perhaps you can change their minds. Do you have any out family members? If so, how is their relationship with them? This would be a key factor in you knowing if they'll be supportive and is something to take into consideration if you want to come out.

    No matter what remember that there is nothing wrong with being who you are and anyone who says otherwise is a waste of your time. Be confident in yourself and don't let people get you down. You will get there in the end and you always have us here on EC.
     
  4. Shadowgirl37

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    IF YOU FEEL SAFE AND COMFORTABLE, you may want to more formally come out to them. It could just be habit, but theres nothing wrong with coming out twice, in case they did realize or not.
     
  5. crochetgay

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    Thanks for all the advice, from everyone. I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet. But I do know that my parents would never disown me, they've said that they think it's terrible when people do that. They think it's a choice and that it's not the way God wants you to live, but honestly it's not that hard to believe that they could see my side of things given time. I honestly can't imagine how terrifying it would be to worry that your family would disown you.

    ---------- Post added 9th Jan 2017 at 05:04 AM ----------

    I hadn't even thought of that, and the more I think of it. The more I think that could be it. Because they haven't acted much different or anything. So, thanks, this helped ease my fears.
     
  6. Quantumreality

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    It's very good to hear that you are confident that your parents wouldn't disown you if you Came Out to them, amostlygaygirl!

    One consideration for you is whether or not - since you said that they think that sexual orientation is a choice - they might try to make you undergo some form of conversion therapy (also called reparative therapy) if you were to Come Out to them.
     
    #6 Quantumreality, Jan 9, 2017
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2017
  7. CROSSY ROAD

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    Your parents sound really accepting, even if they don't know. They might say mean things like my dad does (he alls me a butch lesbian, and then a tranny) and that's how he shows he's upset about something, or he's stressed. He might be like my dad, who has o filter when he is sad/upset/scared/stressed.
     
  8. HikaruStop

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    I understand. My mum and dad caught me watching the lesbian scenes in Pretty Little Liars and sorta guessed. At least they're trying not to be homophobic and upset you. Eventually, when you come out, they will most probably accept you.

    Hope it goes well. Here if you need me.
     
  9. iliketolift1

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    Dude same. Except it was with my cousin. I'm honestly so stupid, I thought that watching stuff like that wasn't suspicious at all lol.