Ok, I'm probably gonna sound stupid and definitely confusing, but I am stuck with how I should come out to my parents and if there is a real need too. I have only really come out to 2 friends and they have been very supportive, I am very open about who I am when I socialise away from home and have basically outed my facebook profile. But I can't seem to get over the need or fear of rejection that I feel might come from my family knowing. I am 30 now and lived away from home for over 10 years, so what I do has always been my business (not that I have been out to myself for that long), but I have recently had to move back to the family home, which cause problems. My mother cares alot about me and whenever I go out she always asks when I will be home and calls if I'm ever late and panics if I don't come home. I know she is aware something is bothering me, but I not sure what her reaction would be - she really wants grandkids and my sister isn't in a position to have kids - I know its my life to lead - but I still feel I would be disappointing my parents. My father I am convinced would not accept me, so that makes it even harder to tell my mother or sister who definitely can never keep any secret. Which makes me feel I would be much happier if I got myself sorted and moved on away from my family as soon as possible, maybe never telling them and just leading my life away from them. But I love them and want them to be part of my life and who I am. I fear their rejection, but I fear having to live without them or hiding myself from them more, I'm so confused. I sometimes think I should lead my life and when a relationship gets to the introduce to parents stage (If ever) then that would be a way to come out to them... "Hey Mum...Dad I've brought someone home to meet you.... we're in Love" .... God I laugh and that thought knowing that wouldn't be the way to go but..... Anyway written to much Any thoughts, ideas gratefully recieved :help::icon_sad:
hey man truth is hideing who u are isnt good you ow it to yourself and your family to tell them when your comfortable enough but you also need to consider if things go bad are you in a situation where you can live without their support if needed moving out for example support yourself. what i would suggest is tell mum first when dad aint around she will be dissapointed no parent isnt they all dream of seeing you go down the aisle getting married having kids but your her son she will love you for who you are just be ready for the questions and shock to begin with maybe a cup of tea to hand but not in hand at time and near exit incase said tea comes flying through the air ... once mum has accepted the news she can help you talk to farther this is always harder but again if he loves his son he will accept him and support him in the life he chooses to live of course the innitial reaction can be bad so be near exit when talking just incase cos even though they will come around it can be hairy. hope it goes well and remember if things get difficult you got your friends and us to talk too..good luck x
My advice would be to hold off on telling your parents until your back living on your own I know that sucks, but basically a good rule of thumb for knowing when to come out is "Come out if a) You love and accept yourself b) You have more to lose by staying in than coming out OR You feel the time is right" Reading your situation, it seems like you really want to start living your life open and out of the damn closet But yea, living with your parents whom one of you are convinced wont take the news all that well serves as quite the big speed bump on your way out. I congratulate you on coming out to some friends I hope they become an amazing support group for dealing with whatever your familys reaction is. In reality, if it does go bad these are the people your going to want to turn to for support and advice, so hold them tight and never let them go! Just know, your 30 and you havent yet fully embraced your sexuality, when you come out to your parents you have to be willing to give them atleast as much time to deal with it as it took yourself to deal with it. And here is my final words: Assume the worst when you come out, and you wont be let down by whatever happens. If your prepared for the worst possible outcome then you KNOW your ready to come out and you know you can deal with whatever happens. "Hope for the best but prepare for the worst"
have you ever watched the show "drawn together"? there's an episode in season 2 called "A very special after school special" in which Xandir and the house roleplay his coming out to his parents. it's rediciliously funny, and honestly it shouldn't be that bad. Other than that... greg has an excellent point in preparing for the worst. (It would probably be easier to do (coming out) if you were living away from them though)
Cheers Guys, Greggers - Great Advice Thanks, Smart head on young shoulders! Stratavos - Watched the episode you meant - Very Funny made me laugh and lightened my mood cheers Think I already new what I have to do and that is get back on my feet and out of the family environment. It just sometimes takes someone to point out the bloody obvious, I keep getting sucked into trying to work out every detail and organise all the steps, rather than take them one at a time. Strange how when you are away from loved ones you want to be near, and when your with them you feel smothered. Must remember to learn to walk before I run.... right foot forward, left foot forward - there you go your walking....
It scares me how much your situation is like mine: I don't live at home, but I am almost 30. I know my father would have issues if I told him I'm gay. Both my parents want grandchildren, and MY sister isn't in a postion to have any. Only a very small number of people know I'm gay. I hope it helps knowing your not the only one going through this. I know when I read your post I felt a little relief knowing I'm not alone.:icon_sad:
Malachite, I thankyou for your comment, yes it is always nice to hear you are not alone and others have either been or are going through the same sort of situations. The one thing I have found is even if I don't post my concerns here, there is always a thread or comment from someone to get me through my day or moving forwards in the right direction. Even some of the just for fun threads are enough of a kick up the backside. If you ever wanna talk I will listen, not sure how much help I could be, but always ready to give what advice I can.
