Hi Everyone, First time poster, Long time lurker. I am 26, male, and have always thought of myself as straight. I have always been interested in boys (blonde, blue eye, skinny, skater type). I have always had fantasies about me getting beaten up for being gay (by guys I know, or guys I think are really cute) I get teased in the fantasies and nearly beaten to death and strangled. I have never had any kind of mental illness and it does not run in my family. I have slowly come to terms that I may be gay when I told my best friend when I saw a cute boy at the mall and he smiled at me. I feel so confused and lost. I feel like I'm trying to hard to justify my gayness ( still in the closet, parents are Mexican and dad is MACHO, mom is hardcore catholic)
Hey AlecF, It's ok to feel confused. Figuring out your sexuality is a process. There is no need to justify who you are. You will figure it out, but it seems to me that you are very likely not straight.
Hi Alec, Welcome to EC as a lurker-turned-poster. I applaud your bravery in sharing your secrets with us. I think it's important for me to tell you that you are normal. Completely normal. Your fantasy is not in any way a sign of a mental illness. It is, in fact, a common fantasy shared by many men. Without going into the psychology of the bad-boy skater type that turns you on, and it's also mixed with what seems like your internal homophobia, I can tell you that it's normal. As Confusedmoose said, figuring out your sexuality is a process, and it takes time. Some people are able to figure it out earlier in life than others. The difference is a mix of factors that includes society's attitudes, family's acceptance level of LGBT, and religious upbringing. And it is a journey that only you can take, and only when you are ready. Please continue to read and post here. This isn't something that has to be decided in one day. So, give yourself the time you need. Take care. ride: