girls, what made u sure/think u were les/bi

Hey
First thing to say is that it has taken a few years for me to finally come out to myself and so I can completely understand that you may be unsure of yourself. I think that there isn't one thing in particular that makes me sure. I've always just assumed I was straight....my upbringing had drilled that in to me. But when I got to about 15 I didnt understand why all my friends (girls) were so interested in dressing up and making themselves look good for guys. I just figured I was a late bloomer and that obviously all the boys I knew just werent my type. When I got to uni I had a couple of opportunities with guys but all the time I was kissing them...my brain was thinking "oh bloody hell, when can we talk about the cricket match we just watched". But I only really knew when I started to have feelings for one particular girl. I never experienced any of those feelings with any of the guys I knew. Then it dawned on me that I had previously had similar feelings towards other women, but just put it down to liking them as a person.

Truth is I am certain there are a number of people out there who dont know what the hell their sexuality is. I have come to believe that it doesnt really matter...what matters is that you are happy. If you meet a guy you like that makes you happy then thats fantastic. If you meet a girl you like that makes you happy then thats fantastic.

Not sure that makes any sense but thats how I feel about it anyway.xx

 

Well, the first thing that made me think about the fact that I might be into girls was my firs best friend. We were very very good friends, spend a lot of time together. Joined our hands while we where walking, talked about everything that came up on our minds and spend the nights at her place sometimes. Well, it was a long time ago and then I thought that my feelings for her was only normal (she was my first best friend ever, so, back then I didn't know how a person should really feel about his best friends. )

Then I met other people who became my friends. This time I had some guy friends and I understood that I feel for them something different than for girls. Then one girl (who is my best friend now) joined our "club" and I understood that I'm into girls, and maybe even more then guys (well, at least, I think so right now).

I don't even know what exactly made me so sure, but I do know now that it is who I am and I'm happy being like that. ^_^

 

I know its really tough when you dont know for sure and the thought of telling everyone is just unthinkable. I found everytime I thought to myself ok maybe im gay/like girls, I had this sudden sickening thought that maybe I was wrong and how stupid that would make me look.
You really are still young, I am 26 and it wasnt till very recently that I realised I was into girls, so you really are at an advantage that you questioned yourself at such a young age, I know it doesnt seem like that but these things take time to work through, there is no easy answer, you might get with a girl and enjoy it but that in itself is no guarentee that you will never in your life fall for a guy again.
I think the deciding factor for admitting it to myself was if I thought about a guy liking me or a girl, I always wished the it would happen more with the girl, and I had lived my life as straight all through school and college and Uni whilst my friends had all been so madly into guys and I never had been. Ive never really had a crush on any of my friends because I dont think of them like that, but when I finally kind of admitted it to myself and then looked back over things that had happened I guess I could see there had been times when I had kind of liked girls but at the time I had thought thats how everybody felt about other females.
It really is just about being happy, I know its tough when your growing up but you shouldnt have to change who you are just for others, continue to do the things that you enjoy whether people think it makes you look gay or not, and whether you are gay or not, its their problem not yours.
I think it would help you if you could share your concerns with a close friend in real life but if you cant do that yet thats fine just keep chatting to people here on EC and take it from there, just give yourself some time. You can post on my wall anytime if you want.

 

For me I didnt always know it just clicked one day. I really liked this girl I thought like a friend but one day I was thinking about her and thought wait do I have a crush. Then I thought about that and realized I never really had crushes on guys. Even after that I thought no I'm straight but I felt the same way for other girls and that's when I accepted it. EC really helped and knowing that all these people have felt this way and will help was a big part of my accepting.

 

I was 17. I'd started to find women attractive(and this was after a long depression) so pretty much I felt suddenly sexual because I'd had no libido or didn't want to date anyone in highschool. I realized I was attracted to my own sex and was really embarassed and ashamed. I tried to pretend it was nothing, and just hang out with friends. But when I went to college and became attracted to a female a few years older than me, I turned to a gay guy friend and he was so happy I felt I could trust him. He told me his story and that he'd felt the same etc. And that I should follow my heart.

So a few boyfriends in there, didn't work and really it seemed (to me anyway) that it was all about sex with little more than bit of friendship in there (even though they were really decent guys), I felt not much. Now that I have a gf, I cannot wait to see her and I get giddy talking to her on msn, the phone etc(we live long distance but we've met). So... I'm pretty sure I'm attracted to women more. Hm. And the internet is a safer place to talk about that I think. :icon_wink

 

Yeah I can understand that, its not nice to be called any kind of names but especially when they refer to a subject you are sensitive about, the truth is if people knew you were questioning your sexuality then they probably wouldnt tease you about it.

Its true that just because you fantasise about girls doesnt make you gay.

It can be difficult when people question you about your sexuality especially when you arent sure or are not yet ready to discuss it. About 6 years ago before I had even given being gay the slightest thought, a couple of people asked me if I was gay, of course I denied it but not because I was in denial at the time I totally believed I was straight, and I can sympathise with you because Im still friends with those people and the thought of saying to them yeah actually you know what you were right all along well it fills me with dread but im sure there will come a time when I can tell them and until then they dont need to know. You dont have to tell anyone you dont want to, its noones business but your own.

 

well we are glad you found EC too

 

I feel the same way as a lot of people. I didn't know I was gay until high school. Homosexuality wasn't something I grew up around so I didn’t know anything about it or really ever knew of it. I did however always know that I wasn’t into guys.

For as long as I could remember I would always tell my friends and family that I never wanted to get married or have kids. But I think that was because the only way I saw that happening was with a guy which was the turn off for me. Then when I got to high school and realized that there were other people who felt the same way I did everything started to make sense. I was gay.

I mean guys are ok. I just could never have that type of connection with one that I could build a lifetime relationship with. Now girls on the other hand…..YES :icon_bigg Anyways….yup that’s how I knew.

Plus finding EC has been AMAZING. I love being able to come and talk to others and hear their stories and how they all seem to relate to my life.

Hope you enjoy it here!

 

I first thought I might not be straight when I was about 16, when I realised that most of my fantasies were about women, and that I just didn't react in the same way to pictures of attractive men as my friends in school did - it was almost like "Muscles? Blargle". I didn't want to accept at that stage at all that I could be gay, so I just kept quiet about anything to do with relationships.
I finally came out as bi to friends when I was about 20, and the general response was "we've been taking bets for the last year or two whether you're bi or gay, and were just waiting for you to come out". Realised about a year or two later "Yeah, I'm really just not feeling the love for penis". C'est la vie!

 

When I was in 8th grade,someone used the word,"lezzie" and I had no idea what that was.
I asked my mom and she told me. My stomach did a little flip and I got nervous. I never knew girls could be "together".
That summer,I was camping (I grew up camping) and one night me & a friend were in her tent and she kissed me. REALLY kissed me! It was so amazing! I was scared shitless,but I know that's when it really all came together.
Guys were cool,I hung out with more guys than anything. I loved playing baseball and I was a complete tomboy,anyway. I just never really "connected" with them.
I wanted to know more about this "I like girls" thing ,though.
I waited and when I was 16,I was with a friend and it removed any doubt about who & what I was. She ended up being my first relationship. I came out,that same year.
I have never looked back. Mickey*

 

I read fanficton.
It sounds wierd, but it's true. XD
I had feelings for girls before that but thought it was just a normal between friends thing.
I used to read the harmless straight stories, but one day I looked up gay fanfiction for some reason...and realized I liked it way more. WAY more.
From then on, I identified to myself as bisexual, until grade 10 when I accepted that I just didn't like guys, after dating 2 of them.
It takes time, so don't rush it. You'll know.

 

Yeah, I'm the same as jazzrawr. It was fanfiction that made me realise I could like girls. Fanfiction changed my life *hugs fanfic* Without it, I might still be denying my girl-love. But then again, I'm still confused, not sure what I am etc. So I'm not exactly a great example of self-realisation

 

Hehe :icon_bigg Fanfiction is stories written about characters by people other than the original author. Any fan of a book (or film or whatever) can write a story about the characters and that's fanfiction. There's fanfiction on the net for every popular book or movie in the world, practically (that's called a fandom). For me, I mostly read Harry Potter fanfiction at first. But if you don't like Harry Potter there are plenty of other fandoms.

It sounds so dorky when you explain it like that, and, well, it probably is dorky, but it can also be awesome! You get some really terrible fanfiction, of course you do, but you just have to learn to avoid that. You also get some really really talented writers doing amazing stuff. You just have to look around.

 

eh self-realization will come. I'm proud enough if I can keep my head on straight (hmm... bad pun.. lol) for an entire day. Every day you wake up and think "Man, I'm queer as hell and it's awesome no matter what anyone says and no matter if I don't even know entirely what that means yet" is a beautiful day.