I'm getting more frustrated and depressed. I am glad I have accepted myself, don't get me wrong. But there is absolutely no support groups in my area. I have checked every national site I can think of - pflag, hrc, centerlink, family equality... I found two places listed for the area on different sites, but when called or emailed - they don't exist; number disconnected, email error returned, site no longer there. The closest ones active are in Atlanta and that is like 2 hours drive. There is a very active gay bar club with drag queen shows, but I don't do the bar scene. All the meetup groups are inactive. It is like the gay scene does not exist here unless you do the bar scene. I know no one here can help. I just needed to vent.
Hey bunnydee, I know I can't help you, but I HEAR you! I can't believe that your local PFLAG, HRC, etc offices are no longer available! That seems crazy! If anything, I would expect more LGBTQ offices/services to be available given the current environment. However, I do know that even a local LGBTQ center near me in Ann Arbor, MI is having funding issues. (The current federal administration wasn't really all that LGBTQ-friendly when you look at their overall actions.) Having said that, maybe a trip to the closest active center in Atlanta would be good for you. They may have information on currently active centers closer to your home or other information that you could benefit from. (Nothing ventured, nothing gained.) I'm also not a fan of the gay bar scene, although not ALL gay bars are centered around Drag Shows, which I'm also not a real fan of. Personally, I've found that a better place to meet people is in local hangouts/bars (*dive bars*) where people just gather to talk, play pool or darts, etc. If those bars happen to be in areas with a relatively significant LGBTQ population... Well, you know how that works. As I stated upfront, I'm sure none of this helps you, but I can definitely sympathize with you!
(*hug*) I wish I could offer some comfort in some way. I am on the other side of the planet, in a very similar situation. What I did about it was signing up to EC and spending way too much time refreshing the browser . (&&&)
Yes, I am beginning to freak out more than a little.. Thinking maybe I should not have come out. I didn't think fully what life would be like without family, and that is all I have. At least in the closet I didn't have the emotional connection I needed, but I feel much more isolated now knowing who I am. For those that have friends or others they associate with outside work, it is most likely different. My life consisted of my husband, daughter, parents, brother, and occasionally my son. Now I don't really have my husband as he is pretty much in the total avoiding me stage; I feel empty around my parents and brother because I just can't handle them and their attitudes anymore and can't seem to fake it like before. I have to put on a strong front for my daughter. So yeah, a lot of loneliness here... ---------- Post added 8th Jan 2017 at 04:24 PM ---------- * at least in the closet, I was living,...
Doing what you feel is the right thing is not easy. Don't get stuck on just looking for LGBT meet-ups though. There's plenty of other things that you can do that can help you grow as person. Maybe reconnect with some old friends at a coffee shop. Or make new friends. Sign up for some dancing classes. Maybe volunteer at an animal shelter. Social connections are important. I love EC, but if I would spend my entire day only here inquiring about LGBT issues and answering to threads I'd probably go nuts in a month . I might have overdone it in the past week, but I won't do the same next week, have to balance it out with plenty of non LGBT real life interactions . Have faith (*hug*)
bunnydee, It's normal to feel a sort of "buyer's remorse" after coming out. You're not alone. Those feelings will pass. There were certainly times when I wished that I could turn the clock back and undo it. But you can't undo it, you did what you had to do. I also think you should stop the negative thinking patterns that result from "what life would be like without family." Why are you thinking that you now have to go forward in life without your family? Is your husband your best friend? If he is, he will likely accept you in time. It is completely possible for you to have a good ongoing relationship with him as a great friend in life and a partner in child-rearing. Your siblings and parents may or may not come around, but often they surprise us with their acceptance. Your kids love you and will always love you, and this doesn't change it. Please don't listen to your fears. The future is what you make it, and if you are patient and loving with your family, it is possible for you to have the most fantastic life you have only yet dreamed of. Take care. ride:
Hey bunnydee, I second what I'm Gay said! I would echo his comments that it's common to have "buyer's remorse" after Coming Out, regardless of our own individual situations. I would also add that life, such as it is, is a finite thing. You shouldn't waste time regretting what was. Take the positives from the past. Then look to the future. And, again, look to the positives (living your own life, being true to yourself, and so on). You're a great person and you've made a huge, BOLD step to change your life for the positive. Don't back down now. Everything takes a little time. A little time to come about. But, as Tesla says in their Love Song "Love is all around you. Love is knockin' outside your door. Waitin' for you is this love made just for two. Keep an open heart and you'll find love again, I know." You definitely have your son in your corner, but continuing to step out on your at this point is important. Those of us here at EC understand and continue to support you! Stay strong and stay proud!
Thanks I'm_Gay and Quantumreality, I started looking into some classes I have always wanted to take - Belly dancing, Salsa, Tango, Yoga, Theatre... My husband never had interest in any of this, so what a better a time to start focusing on me. It just hit me like a ton of bricks - but reviewing my feelings it is because I have always done for others, lived for others, and put my needs/wants in a box. I guess it is more shocking or jolting to finally have to face myself and what I want. If that makes sense. I've never done that. So here's to getting through the tough times and learning I am important. ---------- Post added 8th Jan 2017 at 08:29 PM ---------- (*hug*) to all Thank you WarmEmbrace. I could have really used irl hug at that moment.
bunnydee, I'm in a very similar place. Although I've been out for a long time I've only begun to realize how much trying to please others has cost me. I'm seeing the cost of internalized homophobia and fear. It's not worth regretting the past, but better to understand and create the future with intention. I'm in a very similar place as you. Patrick
